Best friends Tess (Ginger Minj) and DeeDee (Jujubee) get laid off from Stank Rail, but their fortunes change when the Glamazonian Express has two vacancies to fill. They discover that they are assigned to the same train as one of the cool kids who made fun of them at Train Hostess Academy. As if things could not be more challenging, a rare weather phenomenon known as Stormaganza is directly in their train’s path. “Stop! That! Train!” (2026) asks if these two best friends can stay together, save everyone, make all their dreams come true and get over their past trauma. While a terrific ensemble cast gives their all, this movie runs out of laughing gas before reaching the station.
“Stop! That! Train!” is not here for substance but is a cross between a parody spoof comedy and camp but is never quite outrageous enough to reach the latter. It aims to do for trains and LGBTQ+ themes what “Airplane!” (1980) did for disaster, survival dramas filled with famous faces and ridiculous stakes. Some jokes work better than others, and when they hit, expect to see them recycled endlessly and gradually become less funny with each repetition. Believing more is more, they have a lot going on instead of figuring out what works then sticking to it. It is fine to cast a wide net, but there is also nothing wrong with assessing your strengths and building on them. The combination of straight archetypical characters blending seamlessly with an over-the-top drag sensibility could have worked, but the emphasis on the two underdogs means missing some truly inspired beats.
For instance, the Rich Gay passenger (Drew Droege) was so much fun from the outfit to the attitude of self-importance which leaves him oblivious to Sarah Michelle Gellar being his fellow passenger. (Also, I apparently did something like this with Josh Charles on a packed Acela food car.) Such bits are universally relatable because when boarding, everyone is more interested in settling in than caring about anything happening around them, and it subverts the stereotype of the gay fan mooning over a star. Comedian Natasha Leggero’s running loud commentary on her cell phone in the quiet car, which doubles as a yoga studio, is pitch perfect for the setting. Nicole Richie as a fabulous workaholic mourner dragging around her mommy baggage while swilling coffee is a terrific psychological metaphor and irreverent sight gag. The Bickering Husband (Jerry O’Connell) and Wife (Nicole Sullivan) seemed to be cut too short. Genius Missy Pyle is given more time, but not fresh enough material.
In the end, “Stop! That! Train!” seemed more interested in hooking Dee Dee up with her crush, co-conductor (Brian Jordan Alvarez), as the dumb jock straight guy, than depicting the friendship, which had a classic Hollywood, wide-eyed feel. While the romance angle was cute, it was not exactly a bit that would make anyone invested in rooting for a particular outcome. There is a great moment when Tess notes to Dee Dee that their memory montage does not include any events prior to the start of the movie, which is one of my biggest movie pet peeves, and I love them for pointing it out. Increasing the musical numbers would have been a wise creative choice because who does not love a costume change, choreography and a performance. What is the point of having drag queens if not to perform endlessly. Tess eventually moves up in the ranks to gain some acceptance with the platinum blonde, skinny attendants in first class, Alli (Marty Lauter) and Ayshleiygh (Symone), but not with eternal hater, Amber (Brock Hayhoe). Unfortunately, the story takes an unnecessary turn in jeopardizing the best friends’ relationship, which is a detestable trope that would be better left in the bin unless the friendship is so convincing that it feels like real stakes that the friends can credibly reconcile. This film exists in the block and delete era.
Watching the passengers enjoy their amenities regardless of class was almost more fun than the dialogue except for Jesse Tyler Ferguson who plays a person who is the voice of his times. His character loves babies if they are in utero, and while it sounds heavy-handed here as a swipe at the right’s fight against abortion and for killing children outside of the womb, the actual execution was nonpartisan and channeling the zeitgeist hatred of people with children in public spaces. Points to Lisa Rinna for just looking fabulous in her sparkly jumpsuit with spaghetti straps and June Diane Raphael for lighting a blunt with a propane tank. It felt as if we could have gotten more out of this fabulous rich bitch behavior like Karen Walker from “Will & Grace” if they let them breath, but nope.
President Judy Gagwell (RuPaul who seemed to be channeling Vanessa Williams) and her number one fan, Press Secretary (Matt Rogers), was a lukewarm thrill that felt as if it could be tightened up, but Gagwell’s eleventh hour entrance helped creates some momentum in the last act. Once the flashback reveals her trauma, it is a bit anti-climactic and could have been even more absurd. Writers Christina Friel and Connor Wright and director Adam Shankman left RuPaul seeming tentative and spaced out until finally ceding the limelight to her. There could have been more Sixties style hijinks about her miliary service in the US Rail Force a la Austin Powers, but they do not let loose. Rogers also seemed game to embrace his inner Stephen Miller meets Roy Cohn, but they hold him back. The closest that he gets is getting a left-over joke from the US Train Command Center and threats of imprisonment at a Zara factory.
Donna Dusk (Rachel Bloom) is the fourth leg on this stool and is the most stable one. Think of Bloom as Tina Fey with less fame, which comes with the bonus of less privilege thus less danger of putting her foot in her mouth then confusing it with being right and edgy. Bloom plays the put upon, least popular, work horse in the US Train Command Center. She is the one with the chokehold on responding to the “Tell it to us straight” jokes, which are funny to a degree. The running gag that Barbra (Latrice Royale) has a thousand jobs, which includes reading Donna to filth, is pretty inspired. If Royale suddenly busted out with a Caribbean accent, it would have been even funnier.
Support “Stop! That! Train!” because LGBTQ+ creators should get as much, if not more resources, as their mediocre straight, cis counterparts. Apparently, the film is the equivalent of an acting cotillion for a slew of people related to “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” which I have never seen so if you are a fan of the television series, you may enjoy it more. I know RuPaul from his music, “Supermodel” and “Adrenaline.” The laughing out loud dwindled as the movie continued, but with such a great cast and such interesting features on the train set, you may not mind.
