“Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” (2024) is the fourth sequel to “Godzilla” (2014), “Godzilla: King of the Monsters” (2019), and “Godzilla vs. Kong” (2021) and the third sequel to “Kong: Skull Island” (2017), the best film in the Monsterverse, and to be obnoxiously redundant, “Godzilla vs. Kong” (2021). It is the fifth film in the Monsterverse, and sequels are being developed. Noooooooo. If you are bored with the list, congratulations. You are taking the hint. Kong is chilling in Hollow Earth, which is underneath the surface world. Godzilla is curled up in the Colosseum. A new danger will disrupt the newfound equilibrium between the surface world, Hollow Earth, and the newly emerging Subterranean Realm. Will Kong and Godzilla fight each other or team up against a new threat? Honestly, by the end of this movie, you won’t care.
The good news is that human beings are a little less boring this time around. Rebecca Hall is back as Dr. Ilene Andrews, a high-level expert in Monarch subordinate only to Hampton (New Zealand legend actor and Taiki Watiti favorite Rachel House, who is criminally under utilized). Dr. Andrews’ adopted daughter, Jia (Kaylee Hottle) senses a disturbance in the Force (oops, wrong franchise) because of her Skull Island Iwi psychic powers, which feels new though she always communicated with Kong through sign language, and it is possible to miss something over the years. Brian Tyree Henry provides the comedic relief in his reprisal of his role as a crackpot, zany expert who is looking for public validation for the help that he has provided the respectable folks. Just when Dr. Andrews is bragging about understanding everything as a talking head on TV, it turns out there is another hidden world hiding an evil Titan, Skar King, who is unrelated to “The Lion King” (1994), oppressive and lives in Mordor (damn, it, wrong franchise). If a movie feels as if it is ripping off “Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom” (2023), there is a problem. Apparently he is the reason that Godzilla hates Kong even after he saved his ass. Godzilla holds grudges y’all.
Meanwhile Kong is lonely and exploring his new digs, but life sucks, and every species is trying to kill him even when he just wants to hang out and be social. While Kong’s sequences go for a kiddie, gross out factor, it is tame compared to “Sasquatch Sunset” (2024), which inadvertently instilled an expectation that our cryptids have bodily functions. Kong and his simian brethren are always eating, but without going through the natural course of business. Also how are there so many, and only one baby, no females. Godzilla gets an interspecies romantic storyline, but Kong gets squat.
Meanwhile Godzilla goes on a rampage to charge up to face the new threat, but he somehow does not know where the threat is even after his former tentative ally Kong flags him down. He can sense things until he can’t even if there is a giant glowing vortex pointing to the threat. Godzilla is many things, but he is not dumb. Offensive! It would be preferable if Godzilla was just a big fan of “Barbie” (2023) then went on a killing spree because he wanted to dye his spikes pink. If you watch “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” and make the mistake of thinking too hard, you may realize that the story is plagued with circular logic, and the plot holes are so vast that even Kong could not jump over them. Basically, if Kong was not such an extrovert, maybe none of this mess would have happened. Just stay home and read a book! The mythology around the kaiju is so overly complex and dense that Dr. Andrews is only useful as a prose machine to explain everything that the audience just saw. And if you still did not get it, don’t worry. Storylines get repeated in similar iterations with different characters. Kong finds more like of his kind, and so does Jia! Hurrah!
Kong is getting too old for this shit but at least he got to use “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” to explore his craft, expand his acting range and do more stunts, including riding training. Still he is thinking of retiring because the injuries were not just onscreen, but off, and while Dan Stevens may be playing a rock and roll enthusiast Titan veterinarian, Trapper, onscreen, no such profession exists offscreen. Kong tried to make script changes to the dental work scene because without depicting an injection of antibiotics before the procedure, a lot of other kaiju may just try to yank a bad tooth then die of an infection. Kong is thinking about unionizing and is talking to SAG about joining despite legal obstacles recognizing kaiju as living beings with legal rights, not studio property. Because the other kaiju are so new to the business, they still have on rose-colored glasses…or is it Godzilla colored glasses (huh, huh, here all week, tip your waiter) and do not want to ruin their big break.
While the onscreen, newcomer Skar King seems like a nasty piece of work, apparently off screen, he is a bigger kidder, and he and Shimo (think ice dragon cousin to Godzilla) are good friends who get a kick pretending to work together. They must be pretty close for Skar King to ride the spiky Shimo and not get hurt. As an onscreen villain, Skar King was impressive and versatile with weapons and mind control (TF). Shimo felt underdeveloped, and it felt as if Shimo is the only character that did not have any backstory with Godzilla. Also inquiring minds would like to know if Kong’s family peeled away from Skar King’s land or vice versa over politics. It feels very 2016. One nice touch was that his underlings tried to imitate his red hair with body paint. Clever!
There was some jealousy on set among human beings and Titans as Godzilla got the James Bond treatment and got to jet set around the world to shoot in various locations, but Godzilla countered, “I was in the Arctic. The Arctic. If they want to go there, please be my guest. Why do you think that I was happy to fight Shimo? I’d prefer climate change warming up the Earth.” His remarks did not kill the controversy but sparked a new one that he is trying to walk back and explain as a joke, not being insensitive to the global crisis. “Listen. No one hired me for my comedic skills. I’m a big oaf sometimes, and I meant no harm otherwise I would just stomp all over everyone,” which is fair. He also got less screen time yet got top billing and more pampering. Don’t hate the player. Hate the game. Showbusiness, baby. Godzilla has a better agent, but he did not get any lines. No roar for you!
Suko is the cute little ape that guides Kong through the Subterranean Realm, and if there was a list of things that Kong should do, adopt a kid was not one of them. No shade to Suko, but no one wants that. Does the studio think that little kids are watching this film? No one watches “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” for children (sorry, Jia). Everyone is waiting to see what happens when Godzilla and Kong reunite. There is also some silliness where Kong gets bionic upgrades, but if it helps in a fight, sure, why not.
Even a completist should not feel compelled to watch “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire.” When Godzilla and Kong team up, it feels too little, too late though the still shots look fun and impressive. Don’t let the ads fool you!
