After watching Netflix’s The Punisher, I decided to go down the rabbit hole and see the 2004 film version starring Thomas Jane. I apparently have a soft spot for Jane because I really enjoyed The Mist. Well, I wish that John Travolta’s name was higher on the marquee because if I had known that he played the villain, I would never have known that Dolph Lundgren also played the titular character in 1989 and Ray Stevenson subsequently played him in 2008’s Punisher: War Zone. Out of some morbid curiosity, I want to see how bad they can be so I can fully appreciate what Netflix created, flaws and all. Please pray that I don’t do something similar with the rest of the Marvel universe. I’m middle aged, and I should not be wasting my time on such foolishness.
Jane’s The Punisher is more of a prankster than fully into vengeance until the end of the movie. He starts off using Luke Cage’s playbook, shifts into a Western showdown when cornered then begins his vengeance in earnest at the end. I usually wait until after watching a movie to read the reviews and was surprised that people considered it grimly violent. I thought that the majority of the violence was cartoony. The tone of this movie is quite divided. It feels more like a throwback to the 80s in terms of action and plot like an episode of Miami Vice, especially the henchmen, including one who looks like a Dolph Lundgren knockoff, and explosions. It is as if the writers have never experienced loss or trauma. It has been five months since you lost your son and/or family? Let’s get it on? No! Also this version of Frank is dumb. Everyone knows that he is alive and his address, but there are no security cameras in the lobby to get him hemmed up with the police when he begins killing people willy nilly?
The villain’s wife’s activities all occur on a Thursday: gym, nails and movies. What does she do the rest of the week? Is this the most decadent thing that y’all could imagine? Does she not have friends? She is too young to have grown ass sons. She never wears her earrings, but keeps them in the box in her purse in her parked car. If you are a super jealous husband, would you ask another guy to dance with your wife? If you are a sadistic torturer, but you love your boss, wouldn’t you at least try to defend yourself once you realized that your boss was seriously trying to kill you and not kidding around?
I’m sorry, but the murder of the titular character’s family is so ludicrous and hilarious that it left the realm of reality ages ago. First, Puerto Rico is not a deserted island. The traffic was insane, and the island is packed with people. You can’t only kill his family without knocking off bystanders galore, and there will be no car chases down to abandoned piers. Second, the definition of his family is comprehensive. I’m pretty sure that they got second cousins, women that he only calls auntie, but aren’t actually biologically related, the pet gerbil. Third, the random black dude who saves him has a permanent stank face that suggests that he isn’t putting this film too high on his resume.
Many of the men in The Punisher end up greased up, shirtless and glistening, including Eddie Jemison, which no one asked for. I agree that if women are going to be treated like sex objects, then so should men, but it was so oddly timed and distributed throughout the film that it was off putting.
The Punisher’s vengeance plot is so elaborate and flirts with homophobia, but if you are going to go that far, why didn’t the writers go all in and have the closeted henchman have a secret affair with one of the twins so that the son would turn on the person that murdered him regardless of relationship. If you’re going to toss in some Othello, then just steal everything from Shakespeare. Make kids hate their parents. Come on! Don’t punk out now.
I don’t understand how the filmmakers hated Micro, but thought the misfit rooming house was a better fit for The Punisher’s sidekicks? There is a Smurfette played by Rebecca Romjin-Stamos, who plays a diner waitress because of course. Leave No Trace’s Ben Foster plays an overly pierced buddy, and a comedian plays the overweight friend. The implicit idea is that none of them are man enough to make a play for hot chick, but Frank could and won’t because he is too grief stricken. Eye roll. They’re supposed to be family because they are neighbors, which is how you know that this movie does not take place in New York. They even hang out with her at her job.
Whenever the special features are half as long or more than the length of the movie, it is an indication that the movie may suck. The Punisher apparently had a limited budget, insane shooting time constraints and had to be completely rewritten because Marvel would not let them depict the story that they originally intended. We get it! It isn’t your fault that the movie sucks. There is one good special feature titled Army of One: Punisher Origins, which is about twelve minutes and explains the comic evolution of the character. I don’t read comics so I appreciate the Cliff notes version provided in this DVD.
The Punisher is not worth your time. I don’t understand how Marvel did a complete 180 in making movies considering that there is not such a huge gap between the release of this movie and Iron Man. If I was a DC Comics filmmaker, I would study the hell out of this transition and try to learn from it.