I got introduced to sci fi action films such as The Terminator and The Predator franchise fairly late in life, but I love them and feel compelled to see all of them, including and especially the Alien vs. Predator movies, which vary wildly in quality. The star of Predator is Arnold Schwartzenegger. The star of Predator 2 is Danny Glover. The stars of Alien vs. Predator are Lance Hernriksen and Sanaa Lathan and felt like a satisfying sequel to both franchises. The stars of Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem are the titular extraterrestrials. The human beings are not memorable and exist to get slaughtered. It is probably the worst one in the bunch. Predators is an all star ensemble cast with mixed results, but it tried.
I would like to think that I am easy to please. I want The Predator to come to Earth and kill a whole bunch of people until one is left standing. I should not feel cheated when I discover who gets the final rose. I purposely don’t watch previews or read reviews before seeing a movie that I definitely plan on seeing because they inadvertently reveal spoilers. I knew nothing about the movie except that The Daily Show and X-Men: Apocalypse’s Olivia Munn and This Is Us and Black Panther’s Sterling K. Brown appear in the movie. Also apparently there was some brief confusion between the film franchise and the TV series To Catch a Predator, but that got worked out before the film hit theaters. So I came to the movie with zero expectations.
The Predator started off pretty solid in space and with action sequences and government officials up to top-secret shenanigans. The second that I realized that a child would play a pivotal role in the movie, I was completely disappointed and wanted my money back. There should be a warning on films that a young child will be in the mix issued to adult viewers who want to see over the top violence. A young child ruins all the fun because it is hard to make things as violent as the viewers expect without regard as to whether or not the kid is traumatized. Kin may not have been a good movie, but they did strike that balance whereas this movie consistently failed. It is a step above Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem, but not by much.
There is one perfect action sequence in The Predator that satisfied me, and it occurs in the middle as we get to see what our titular character can do. It also worked because it showed the Predator’s personality and sense of humor, a concept that was never considered in any of the other movies, but works here. Unfortunately the filmmakers mistakenly think that bigger is better and raise the stakes by shifting gears. We then get to hear all about what this Predator wants instead of being shown what he wanted. The titular character should have been the lead because the trajectory of the storyline could have worked, but if you think about it for more than a few moments, it does not because by the final scene, I wondered why he did not use that all along, and if he really wanted what they said he wanted, then why did all the events that preceded it even happen. During the final sequence, right before a clock starts running, a cool device is used that could have been used earlier to make the story more interesting. We could have still gotten the best action sequence if the Predator had used it and still had to fight because Earth’s scientists and government officials would understandably be suspicious.
No! Instead we get a cynical move in which the filmmakers, (Shane) Black and (Fred) Dekker believe that we can’t get invested in any other possible leads such as The Predator or the biggest name actors in the movie except some allegedly bad ass sniper, who is also a father, played by Boyd Holbrook (who?). Just being a parent does not make me invested in a character’s future. This guy so lacks any innately interesting or charismatic qualities that he needs to be surrounded by the A-Team, I mean the Loonies, who are all more interesting than he is and includes Trevante Rhodes, who starred in the third act of Moonlight and in a fair world would be a suitable, less generic lead, Keegan Michael Key, Thomas Jane (is he getting too thin), Game of Thrones’ Alfie Allen and Augusto Aguilera, whom I don’t recall seeing before today, but if his agent is smart, he should vie for any roles in which Jason Momoa’s needs awkward, less hot, but still attractive actors to play cousins or little brothers. (Side note: I blinked and missed the explanation of the relationship between Baxley and Coyle so if you know, please enlighten me.)
Olivia Munn ends up with this group, and if I am being generous, there is a bit of a Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs sexless vibe to the whole party, which I was grateful for, but if I’m not generous, I was getting a little fed up with how often the lead snatched guns from women’s hands. Get your own goddamn gun. Munn gets some moments, but she is largely ineffectual and is written as a screw up though by the eleventh hour, you can see how the movie could have worked if she was given the lead instead of John Doe. Honestly if you think about all the possible combinations, Munn and the Predator, Brown and the Predator or just the Predator, it trims a lot of the fat off of this script and leads to more action and aliens. Instead we get Ewoks, I mean space dogs. It is the coolest thing that we get and even they get neutered by the end.
There are so many dogs in The Predator. Munn’s character has a dog. (I hope that it is OK. I will tell you right now that I don’t care what the emergency is, work or personal, I’m not trusting a stranger to care for my fluffy baby without more information unless I am, God forbid, incapacitated.) The kid has a friendly encounter with some random dog. Here is proof that The Predator sucks as a movie. Usually if a random dog appears in a movie and does something good, we get a scene that shows how things worked out for the dog, preferably a match up with the kid in the movie. We don’t even get a line to suggest it. There is just a brief shot of the dog showing that it is ok then nothing. That is straight up un-American. Ask Stephen King! Did this movie not have one focus group? You don’t introduce a random dog and leave us hanging. Americans care less about the human beings on the screen than the animals. How dare you! To make matters worse, when you see what the kid does end up doing, I wanted to call DCF because there is so much irresponsible parenting. I need Chris Evans from Gifted to intervene (I never saw that movie, but you’ll get it.)
If you are like me and must see The Predator, then wait until it is available for home viewing or go to a cheap matinee. They are clearly hoping for a sequel and so am I—just with a whole new premise. Put these guys with Adrien Brody and Alice Braga.