The Legend of Tarzan starts with the Belgians up to nefarious colonial capers to get money, but they need to hand over Tarzan to a tribal chieftain to seal the deal, but Tarzan is in London on his family estate with no interest in returning to his childhood continent. His wife, Jane, an American missionary, wants to return home, but with the convincing of an American abolitionist, played by Samuel L. Jackson, Tarzan finally assents, and the adventure begins.
I did not expect to enjoy The Legend of Tarzan, but wanted to watch it anyway because the beautiful Alexander Skarsgard stars in it so I added it to my queue. The Legend of Tarzan is retro in a bad way and felt very paint by the numbers. Even though Jane’s fighting spirit is very modern, she may as well be tied to a railroad track and Christoph Waltz, the Belgian villain, was only missing a mustache to twirl with his fingers. The ever-present threat of rape was so perfunctory and empty that it cheapened her predicament. Nothing resonated emotionally. The reconciliation of Tarzan’s childhood trauma, sibling rivalry and adult human error in the face of understandable rage comes off as flat instead of eliciting empathy from me as a viewer.
The Legend of Tarzan just isn’t fun to watch and has some really lame moments. Though heavy-handed, Waltz’s rosary bead fighting villain was at least riveting as opposed to Tarzan’s bulging neck muscles. No, seriously, there is a show down between neck muscles and rosary beads, which is more fun on paper than on the screen. Waltz has been less fun after his turn as a bond villain. Skarsgard’s accent was distracting. If he learned how to speak from Jane, who is an American, how did Tarzan get a British accent? Is his estate near Madonna’s property?
Jackson’s character is based on an actual historical figure, but he is such a poor blend of badass and bug-eyed scared early twentieth century Negro that it just doesn’t work and is utterly disappointing. Also how convenient that the black American war vet is equated as once being as bad as the Belgian villain, but The Legend of Tarzan has never heard of the British Empire. The estate of George Washington Williams needs to call up Timur Bekmambetov who directed Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter or Hark Tsui who directed Young Detective Dee: Rise of the Sea Dragon for an action fantasy historical makeover because The Legend of Tarzan was not what they could have possibly wanted.
The Legend of Tarzan tried really hard to revamp the problematic icon of Tarzan as the leader of a broader movement consisting of victims of environmental exploitation, capitalism and racism, but instead of a call to solidarity, it is just a diluted mixture of Tarzan meets Dawn of the Planet of the Apes with plenty of recycled imagery of the scary African tribe or the noble savage. In the end, the goal of this furious action is for Tarzan to come to peace with his past and move forward with his new family. Yawn! Margot Robbie should never have given up her role in A Bigger Splash for this better forgotten reboot, The Legend of Tarzan. Also any movie that makes Skarsgard feel physically inadequate does not need to be made.