Tag was a summer comedy starring Ed Helms, Jon Hamm, New Girl’s Jake Johnson, Hannibal Burgess and Jeremy Renner as former childhood buddies who annually play the longest running game of tag ever regardless of whatever is going on in their lives. Helms plays the family man who keeps the group going. Hamm plays a handsome, wealthy, famous CEO. Johnson plays a stoner. Burgess is the only one who is actually funny. Renner is a fitness guru and reigning champion.
When I saw the preview, I thought that Tag looked funny, but that the preview probably showed the funniest scenes, and it wouldn’t be that great so I added it to my queue, and I was right. I’m rooting for Johnson, whom I genuinely find endearing, but this movie will not be his break out hit.
I actually enjoyed Tag in a background noise while I devote my real attention to something more important elsewhere sort of way, but then a Yoko character is introduced, and I’m supposed to believe that Johnson has a shot over Hamm, who isn’t even playing an asshole so no way. Hamm isn’t even my cup of tea, but even I think that this scenario is a no brainer, and I love Johnson—his character is a different story. I’d rather that there be no women characters than this scenario or the bride kill joy wife stereotype. Boring!
Tag is unsurprisingly its strongest when the characters are playing tag, and the humor is based on ridiculously action movie oriented levels of physical comedy. I’ve never seen the Jackass franchise, but I bet that they don’t feel the need to slap on some human interest element to elevate their antics. When it becomes about their lives and aims for a more substantive story line except for Burgess who legitimately seems like an adult, the humor gets lazy and falls flat like a soufflé baking in a noisy room with a cook who can’t stop peeking. It occasionally dips its toe in being offensive, which is great if the scenario wasn’t so hackey, but it was. I’m not going to lie. While the end successfully hit Spielbergian levels of sentimental exploitation, it was not enough to retroactively make the entire movie good. It was too little, too late.
Helms works incredibly hard to make it work, and Isla Fisher is a great sport, but this movie was not worth the effort. It is incredibly sad that Renner finally gets to be a bad ass, but not in a Marvel movie or the Bourne franchise. The supporting characters occasionally have flashes of hilarity. Saturday Night Live alum, Nora Dunn, plays one of the characters’ mom. Steve Berg plays a bartender who wants to be a part of the group. Portlandia’s Carrie Brownstein has a show stopping uncredited cameo fairly early. There are other notable actors in supporting roles, but if you have nothing nice to say, I suppose that it is better to write nothing, especially if it isn’t his or her fault that the movie isn’t good, which it wasn’t. Everyone has bills to pay.
Side note: because I watched Tag shortly after watching Adam Sandler’s I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, I noticed that if a movie starts with rap, it will be disproportionately less amazing than its opening song. The opening rap song is supposed to convey the characters’ coolness and endear them to the viewer, but they’re usually followed by poorly written white men who aren’t given enough individually distinguishing characteristics to make us like them for who they are. Your soundtrack cannot carry a movie singlehandedly. These guys are likeable in a generic way, but not memorable.
If you are attracted to Tag because it is based on a true story, wait for the documentary or just watch the DVD’s special features because this movie bears little to no resemblance to the real story. It does explain why there is a random reporter playing a character since it is based on a Wall Street Journal article, but I suspect that the real life journalist who wrote the article, Russell Adams, would probably not see any similarity with Rebecca Crosby except maybe in spirit. I did not know about this trivia, and I would actually watch a feature length movie about these guys. Spoiler alert: none of them resemble one of their famous counterparts. Hint: it is the reason that the South African embassy discourages Danny Glover from moving in Lethal Weapon 2.
Let me provide some perspective on the quality of this movie. Compared to Sandler’s movie, it could use some work on creating a cohesive story. Later that night, I watched Punisher: War Zone, which is objectively not a good movie, yet I gradually began to enjoy it, and one factor could be that I watched Tag immediately before it.
If you must see every movie by one of the cast members, I suppose that it is worth it, but only until the Yoko scenario, then turn it off because even as background noise, it fails. It isn’t awful, but Tag is a waste of your time. Tag is not it. Skip it. Of course, I could be wrong. I’m not, but I could be. Don’t say that I didn’t warn you, and I will do the told you so dance if you go ahead and watch it then agree with me.