There is an exchange in Star Wars: Episode IX – Rise of Skywalker when two characters say to each other, “I’ve seen worse.” “I’ve seen better.” Never has dialogue so accurately encompassed my feelings about the movie and the franchise. I felt as if Ron Howard saw the latest Star Wars chapter, turned to his viewing companion, maybe a friend, a business colleague, a family member, maybe even JJ Abrams and exclaimed, “Wow, really played it safe, huh? Made me seem like a risk taker.”
I feel as if there was a whiteboard with a wish list of every scene that fans ever wanted to see based on moments from past movies, and Star Wars: Episode IX – Rise of Skywalker’s story was basically cobbled together to make all of that happen. The entire movie, I was just resigned and kept saying, “Um, I guess. OK. Sure. Because you said so. I guess this is canon.” I feel as if Abrams and everyone responsible for everything that came in the prior two episodes, especially The Last Jedi, and Rogue One, turned to each other then yelped, “LOL! Wut? J/k. Not. Nope,” then had a nice Goodfellas laugh.
I am a completist so nothing was going to stop me from seeing Star Wars: Episode IX – Rise of Skywalker, and I really tried to imbue my showing with significance by seeing it on the third year anniversary of Carrie Fisher’s death, but I knew that this movie was just not for me when the scroll that is universally beloved started, announced the Big Bad of this episode, and I genuinely thought, “Do people care about this character? Because I don’t. Oh dear. I have almost two and a half hours devoted to someone that I’m completely uninvested in. Welp.” I barely cared about this character when this person was a pivotal character so to discover that this person was back just made me realize that it was me, not you. I don’t go here.
The cast of Star Wars: Episode IX – Rise of Skywalker clearly worked incredibly hard. Some of the fight scenes are amazing, but the look felt retro as if the film was trying to really recapture the look of the original trilogy instead of imagining the organic future of that original trilogy. It was not as consistently visually stunning as a standalone film in comparison to all films or even other films in the franchise. The Carrie Fisher CGI was dreadful and begged for a complete rewrite of the story instead of using barely useable footage.
Star Wars: Episode IX – Rise of Skywalker’s narrative was its weakest point. As I started to predict twists and turns in the movie, I realized that I was done. Fairly early in the film, I predicted who a secret character was, and when the identity was revealed, I just thought, “As long as we don’t see these old beloved characters at the end, it is not completely hacky,” and yup, they appeared. Shrug. OK, sure. Would you like a side of fan service with your main course of fan service and appetizer of fan service. May I interest you in a beverage of fan service? How about an amuse bouche of fan service? An appertif of fan service? The dialogue was stilted-constant verbal John Woo standoffs, mostly between a man and a woman refusing to have a meaningful comment, just one offs or screaming someone’s name. Was it always this basic, and I never noticed?
I am neither a hard core Star Wars fan, nor a complete acolyte. I know just enough to tilt my head and go, “Really?,” but not enough to stridently assert that the filmmakers are wrong. I just kept thinking about practical logistics of The First Order and the Galactic Empire, how they govern, etc. I ached for a Benicio del Toro character to lay out how evil functioned. I am curious how the true believers versus the casual moviegoers feel about the film. There was a moment when a character gets promoted, and I just cackled loudly, “How!?! When?” I was not the only one who considered this rise in rank completely absurd and implausible. The story just never coalesces into a strong whole. Even though I enjoy JJ Abrams as superficial entertainment, I don’t think that I enjoy it for almost two and a half hours. The problem with his vision of Star Trek and Star Wars is that it is forgettable, largely without consequences or deeper meaning. In other words, not my cup of tea. I actually predicted one twist from Star Wars: The Force Awakens that occurred in this film, which I said wouldn’t make any sense, but by then I was not even angry. If Rian Johnson shook things up and threw out the rules, it was to make the story go in an intriguing direction. When Abrams does it, it is to serve sentimentality and nostalgia and unlike his first Star Wars installment, makes no sense. Even his casual treatment of Chewie shows that Abrams on a fundamental level does not get what makes a viewer bond to a character. It is like getting Cliff Notes after years of Shakespeare.
If I had to compliment Star Wars: Episode IX – Rise of Skywalker, I would say, “Hurrah, a hot black woman got a role that consisted of more than a couple of lines and got to do heroic stuff.” I actually think Finn has the most emotionally rich storyline although it is a mere shadow of the potential that was hinted to in Star Wars: The Force Awakens, and his entire adventure is a little ridiculous if you devote even an ounce of brainpower to his quest. Also Rey was a complete bad ass. Adam Driver thankfully wears a helmet a lot and stays fully clothed so I could appreciate him more. To quote a toady, “I like it.” Abrams’ idea of love is just slightly above George Lucas so while I rolled my eyes, I went with it, but every potential love interest moment in the film could be problematic if you were seriously invested in a certain outcome, which I was not. My reaction was more, “Do we HAVE to? We do. Ugh, OK. Sure. Fine.” His idea of suitable pairings is out of an 80s sitcom. Oscar Isaacs and his “ethnic hips” is right in these interviews. Poe was basically reduced to shouting names during the movie.
Star Wars: Episode IX – Rise of Skywalker was not even strong in comparison to Abrams’ previous work. Ultimately he wanted everyone to get what they wanted, took a lite dash of Dunkirk and Hereditary, could not decide who his hero was so decided not to choose thus being inconsistent with their characteristics and psychological profile just to get his dreamy, happy ending, but without rules, so I have no idea how this new cannon fits into the whole story or how the story could move forward with no real bones, no structure. It is like a revolutionary puppet from Avenue Q except without real world accountability. At least Abrams’ latest installment is still better than Lucas’ prequels, and the general sentiment of overcoming personal history is nice albeit meh.