Immediately after Sharknado originally aired on the SyFy network, my zombie mentor urged me to see it. On one hand, he was right about the zombie thing long before The Walking Dead hit the airwaves. On the other hand, I didn’t have cable; life is short; and my various queues are enormous. Prioritizing Sharknado seemed silly. I never dismissed the movie, but I also would not make it happen. If it was supposed to happen, it would be easy, and it actually was. It came to my attention that the first five movies of six Sharknado movies could be streamed on Netflix so I added them to my queue. Then I watched The Meg, which did not hit the spot. I decided to rewatch Jaws, which was great….of course. (Spielberg killed a kid.) Sharknado just seemed thematically right, but two weeks earlier, I noticed that it was going to expire on New Year’s Day. I realized it was now or never, but I did not do what I normally do—schedule it with my other commitments. It did not rise to that level of concern. On December 30, 2018, it suddenly became very urgent to accomplish a task that I had planned to do in February: reorganize my unread bookshelves. This franchise is the perfect multitasking tool.

Sharknado 5: Global Swarming is the third best one in the franchise, but is still miles away in excellence from Sharknado 2: The Second One and the original. Instead of a national road trip, the Shepards are globetrotters fighting sharks in different locations around the world thanks to a vortex caused by an ancient artifact so expect a lot of James Bond and Indiana Jones references. Once again, I think that Tara Reid steals the limelight. She really nailed the inexplicable weirdness of her role and just went with it. Combined with her strange delivery and her willingness to take any costume and makeup note, it works. I’m happy that Nova’s role got expanded. She generally makes everything better though I think that she is better off not teaming up with Fin, and she needs to let him go.

Sharknado 5: Global Swarming actually makes the point that I’ve made all along thanks to Chris Kattan, who inexplicably plays the British Prime Minister, “It’s not about sharks. It’s about family.” This installment emotionally gets back to the original film’s genuine sense that everything can go crap without an immediate reassurance that everything will be ok. It is definitely the bleakest installment to date. It is basically apocalypse by sharknado. I love an apocalypse, but even I don’t buy that the world could end in spite of all the people who die in this installment.

I enjoyed the majority of the cameos in Sharknado 5: Global Swarming even when I didn’t know all of them. Nichelle Nichols brought the Star Trek references. I was happy to see Olivia Newton John and Clay Aiken as high tech geniuses although please tell me that Olivia’s real life taste is better. Tony Hawk played himself and did a good job. Greg Louganis played a baddie, and I have no idea how I recognized him. Why was Fabio playing the Pope and an almost unrecognizable Charo playing the Queen of England?!? The final cameo made me unreasonably delighted and psyched to see the last installment, which I have not watched yet, but recently discovered is available for streaming on Amazon Prime. Without mentioning names, this installment is notable for the variety of bad plastic surgery displayed. It felt like I was watching Terry Gilliam’s Brazil.

Sharknado 5: Global Swarming still betrays its far right wing member. I’m willing to sign a waiver for Geraldo Rivera’s cameo because he was open to making fun of himself for opening Al Capone’s vault, which made it fun. I remember watching that investigative journalism joke/epic fail live when I was a child, and I have no idea how anyone could take him seriously afterwards! (And I would rather see him over matt Lauer any day, whom I’ve hated since I was a child.) People should give him more crap about it so good for him to do it himself!

I will not sign a waiver when Fin says, “Back home we’re trying to make America great again.” Not funny, not cute, not cool. When President Obama was in office, no one made any jokes in the Sharknado franchise about Yes We Can or some similar slogan so don’t pretend like it is a normal trope for this franchise to use political slogans. If they did, then I would say it was fair, but they didn’t, so they can go frack themselves. Since Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!, this franchise has been riding hard not for just any Republican, but the worst ones, and they’re not laughing at them. They’re laughing with them. Honestly if I had known how hard they stood for them, I would never have even started the franchise, but I’m a completist, and I’m not spending any money so I’m going to finish it. I’m just shocked that no one ever talks about these obvious references. Are people even watching these movies anymore or is it just me?

I think that Sharknado 5: Global Swarming manages to recapture some of the early magic of the franchise and distance itself considerably from the weaker prior two installments, it is still miles away from the thoroughly enjoyable Sharknado 2: The Second One, which was perfect. If you absolutely can’t stand any reference that isn’t damning of Presidon’t, it isn’t worth watching.