“Red Sonja” (1985) is the first movie that Brigitte Nielsen ever starred in and technically the second feature based on a Marvel Comics character after “Conan the Barbarian” (1982), but it actually adapts Robert E. Howard’s “Red Sonya of Rogatino,” a short story that inspired writer Roy Thomas’ Marvel comic book character. “Hannie Caulder” (1971) may also have inspired this sword-and-sorcery fantasy film. Like all women, Red Sonja (Nielsen) multitasks to fight Queen Gedren (Sandahl Bergman) with the goal of seeking vengeance and saving the world.
My memory of “Red Sonja” is quite fond, so I decided to rewatch it to prepare before watching the 2025 remake and see if it still works. Nielsen is wooden in her delivery, and she moves stiffly, but she gets a lot of grace for looking the part, wielding a sword the size of her torso without straining and seeming as if she is executing all those acrobatic moves. She was a model, and sometimes she hits her marks like one, not with the subtlety of a professional actor. This movie successfully groomed me to love “Xena: The Warrior Princess.” Nielsen walked so Lucy Lawless could run, and while Lawless is a better actor, the movie’s influence is undeniable so thank you, Nielsen, for contributing to the foundation of women kicking ass in films. Also, while she had to show her tits in the opening scene, the way that she held herself, it is a blink and miss it situation that does not feel sexualized and seems natural considering the context. Compared to her comic book counterpart, the live action version is wearing a turtleneck.
If “your sauce matches my sauce” was a person, it would be Arnold Schwarzenegger as Lord Kalidor, not Conan the Barbarian, to the titular heroine. It is hard to explain how Schwarzenegger is considered a good actor considering that any description of his performance would sound like the opposite, but considering that the film is set in the Hyborian Age, a fictional prehistoric period, he fit the part and had lots of practice after starring in “Conan the Barbarian” (1982) and “Conan the Destroyer” (1984). There are some facts that are accepted, and the emotion behind Schwarzenegger’s performance contrasting severely with his accented English made it more believable. Costume and production designer Danilo Donati styled Sonja and Kalidor to seem as if they were already a couple complementing each other in gold and red. For Schwarzenegger, he was just lucky to be wearing a shirt and only exposing his muscular pecs and arms instead of his usual shirtless wardrobe. If you are unfamiliar with his story, he was a bodybuilder turned actor turned California governor back to actor. He immigrated to the US determined to be a star, and it should surprise no one that despite being in a committed relationship with his future, now ex-wife, he made time to have an affair with Nielsen, so their chemistry was not a performance.
Bergman nailed her role as the megalomaniac, mad queen, and I favor inexplicable evil over the understandable villain. She turned down the offer to play the titular character because she wanted to play the villain, and it shows. Her commitment to chewing the scenery and being cruel made her a fun foe. She was known for doing her own stunts in prior movies and looked like a bad ass. If “Red Sonja” is watchable, it is thanks to her consistent selling of the ridiculous tales of her off screen conquests that the budget could not afford to depict. Sometimes when a script contrives to have a woman hero face off against a woman villain, it feels like a pulled punch, but not here. Queen Gedren was dangerous and possessed vast resources whereas Sonja had zero situational awareness. It was plausible that the unhinged queen would win. She already defeated Sonja in the past. It was a shame that Lara Lamberti as her handmaid did not get more screentime to see what Sonja’s life would have been like if she had accepted Queen Gedren’s offer to be her girlfriend. With her love of spiders and black, this wicked woman was as much an influence on Xena as Sonja. Donati styled her in the vein of the Evil Queen from Snow White if she decided to outsource the magic and get her hands dirty.
The locations that “Red Sonja” were shot in were verdant, fresh and majestic. Because our earth is dying, the 2025 version tries to capture the sweeping landscape, but it looks brown and dying in comparison, which fits that story but is still shocking to see. To work in a fantasy world, everything needs to seem new and alive, and location manager Roberto de Laurentiis did his job.
Unfortunately, overall, the reality of “Red Sonja” does not measure up to the memory. Tales of Queen Gedren’s conquests were spoken rather than shown. Director Richard Fleischer probably did not have the budget to show how Queen Gedren attacked other kingdoms using the talisman that glowed green and threatened to destroy the world. Instead, they show how Hablock looks after she defeats that region. She attacks another kingdom, and there is no glimpse of that kingdom or the ruins.
Instead “Red Sonja” stuck us with Prince Tarn of Hablock (Ernie Reyes Jr.) and Falkon (Paul L. Smith), his bodyguard, to interrupt the action whenever things got interesting. Tarn was supposed to be comedic relief since he is so arrogant but is only a child who cannot cash the checks that that his mouth writes. Meanwhile Falkon continues the charade as if Tarn is important and able to make good on his threats even though Falkon is a big man. No one is watching this movie for this duo, and they may be the reason why I despise the trope of pairing a kick ass woman with a child to make her likeable. Tarn exists to ruin the momentum of the movie and is so annoying. This criticism is not meant to disparage Reyes and Smith’s performance but is intended to beg filmmakers to not feel the need to make a warrior woman likeable by saddling her with some kid.
“Red Sonja” did not age well because the narrative’s trajectory is to help her realize that all men are not bad after a gang rape, and how it would be a shame if she dropped out of the dating pool; thus Kalidor. If anyone gets to have a vow of chastity, it is Sonja. Kalidor’s pursuit of Sonja served two functions: he wanted to destroy the talisman too, and he liked her. To be fair, she liked him too. This pairing was not a Tormund/Brienne situation, but like Tormund, Kalidor liked a woman who could fight and had a sense of mission, which probably made the message go down easier. He had a history with trusting kick ass women. The catch, which is alluded to, but not spelled out, was that if Sonja slept with a man, she would lose her strength, which was supernatural. On one hand, it is unrealistic and unfair to make a woman forsake a human activity to exist in a violent world. On the other hand, it is realistic that most women engaging in heterosexual relationships sacrifice something to make it work. At least with Kalidor, he liked her for the right reasons, but would he still like her if she changed? We’ll never know.
Schwarzenegger considered “Red Sonja” to be the worst movie that he ever starred in. It was only supposed to be a cameo role, but producer Dino De Laurentis was a smart man and made him a costar. This classic is definitely more fondly recalled than watched, but it still holds a special place in the heart of those who managed to watch it as children even though it was inappropriate with all the sexual violence and sword fighting.
