Queen of the Desert was in my queue long before Letters from Baghdad because I’m a Werner Herzog fan. I actually knew nothing about Gertrude Bell, and only saw Letters from Baghdad first randomly. Then when Herzog’s drama about the pioneering woman became available to play instantly, and I prioritized seeing his movie now that I had an interest in the protagonist. Nicole Kidman plays Bell.
I actually think that knowing even a little about Bell before watching Queen of the Desert probably hurt the movie, but the movie helped contextualize the gaps left by the exclusive use of primary sources in Letters from Baghdad. Herzog’s film is two hours 8 minutes, which isn’t a lot for a woman like Bell, who could easily have a television series, but is entirely too much because it is almost exclusively centered on her romantic exploits, which is disappointing because anyone would expect more from Herzog.
Herzog’s films are unique because he is exclusively interested in odd characters and then focusing on them in a respectful yet counterintuitive way. There is a humanity to his offbeat, quirkiness that is severely missing in most auteurs’ work. I’ve always considered his documentaries to be stronger than his dramas, which you can judge for yourself by watching Little Dieter Needs to Fly and Rescue Dawn. What makes him unique is that he is drawn to unique, countercultural individuals, but he relates to them and doesn’t ogle them. Unfortunately offbeat women may be his kryptonite.
The most interesting thing about Bell was not her romances. Her romances weren’t even the strongest theme in her life. I do not relate to Bell. I wouldn’t want to rough it. I’m not drawn to the Middle East. My accomplishments and screwups will never reach her levels, which I’m totally fine with and am not trying to elicit reassurances of my awesomeness, but I do believe that we share one thing in common. If someone made a movie about my life and decided to make a movie primarily devoted to my love life, I would be highly vexed and insulted to the very core of my being.
Even if I knew nothing about Bell, Queen of the Desert made a mistake by focusing on the romance because Kidman is doing all the work by herself, and it takes two, baby. Kidman’s superpower is her ability to beam the appropriate laser of love from her face to a recipient and convince the audience that this person whom she has zero real life connection to is the complete focus of her deep and abiding adoration. And whom is she directing these beams of love to? James Franco and Damien Lewis. Jesus be a love interest. She succeeds because she is a goddamn professional, but Franco can barely sustain an accent and is ill suited for any period costume drama. Apparently they lost Jude Law, but Franco isn’t even discount, store-brand Law. Are you kidding? Literally get any man off the street. Lewis does a better job, but even his depiction falls short, which I’m going to blame Herzog, not Lewis for.
Herzog wrote the screenplay, and I honestly don’t think that he understood these historical figures. What he chose to fictionalize in Bell’s life did not enhance the story, but completely changed it. For Herzog, showing Bell as the best woman desired by all men is her primary trait. The implication is that her career accomplishments lie in her ability to mesmerize. She becomes a Helen of Troy figure, and if a man can’t have her, he commits suicide. Melodramatic much? I don’t know if the men in Bell’s life were like spurned street harassers who suddenly don’t think that the target of their catcalling is not hot if she doesn’t respond positively, but there are photos of her, and getting Kidman to cast her seems flattering. Lewis plays Charles Doughty-Wylie, who is a married man, and honestly comes off poorly in his letters, but you can see how he could snooker someone like Bell who hasn’t been around the block. Lewis has none of that rakish element, just plays smitten. Herzog keeps setting up love triangles in Queen of the Desert then forgets to show how the other woman will react to Bell’s relationships successes.
The most daunting obstacle faced by Bell in Queen of the Desert is another woman who uses other men as puppets. For real? There can only be one bad bitch! In a movie involving the British Empire, Bell’s most formidable enemy is a woman of color? The men who despise her are cartoonish, easily brushed aside by her accomplishments or expertise.
Queen of the Desert’s cinematography is beautiful and works best as a travelogue. A lot of the adventures detailed in Letters from Baghdad effectively come to life and make a little more sense when I saw it played out on the big screen, but considering that I can’t trust Herzog to fictionalize within the spirit of the historical reality, real Bell devotees would probably find fault with that portion too. Even I as an ignorant American wondered why he chose to depict her encounters with certain sheikhs and emirs when she is most famous for being a kingmaker yet we spend little to no time with the House of Saud or the men who will become the kings of Jordan or Iraq. Herzog seems to think that it is enough for her to say that she loves the region or that she is innately a good judge of character so her decisions are naturally right, but we have the benefit of hindsight. She wasn’t. It just appears that if she charmed a man, then he was in, and if he wasn’t, he was out. The one thing that the documentary and the drama failed to do is look at her critically. I still don’t have a sense of how she judged people’s character. I know that people like to crap on anything that is popular or loved, but Game of Thrones does a good job of showing us how a character seems like he or she is making a good decision, but how we can also simultaneously see how it will be a complete disaster that he or she doesn’t see coming. No one applies that rigor to depictions of Bell. What kind of Hand is she?
The best part of Queen of the Desert is Kidman and Robert Pattinson’s interactions as Bell and T.E. Lawrence. Anyone with a passing familiarity with my tastes is officially shocked because I just don’t think that he is as good as everyone thinks that he is, but I also could be biased because of Twilight, and I think that his head is shaped funny. I have no idea if his depiction of Lawrence is historically accurate, but their moments together are the liveliest in the entire movie. It at least indicates a wittiness that was the most engaging (platomnic) relationship in the film.
Queen of the Desert is a disappointingly conventional, costume drama period biopic that could be called in The Desert With Ms. Daisy. It is so languid and lifeless that it does a complete disservice to the historical figure that it seeks to portray. Kidman fans should still see it because she is luminous as always, but those interested in Bell should skip it or keep anything that can be thrown at the television out of arm’s length.