I was actually excited to see Mulan in theaters because a woman kicking ass is a required part of my diet and Donnie Yen, Donnie Yen, Donnie Yen. I love his real life story. I love his performances. I would watch him knit a sweater. Even though I saw Disney’s animated version, unlike Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin or The Lion King, I only saw it once, did not own the soundtrack and remembered almost nothing so I would not unfairly compare the live action version to the original. The live action version actually could be loved on its own merits! Then the pandemic came, laughed in my face and exiled me from theaters. I know that they are still open, but is there a movie that I am willing to die for? Jury is out, but I am tentatively answering no…..? We will see when Daniel Craig’s latest turn being 007 is finally released.

Mulan is about a woman who answers the call to war to save her father’s life and exercise her natural gifts as a warrior, but society deems such behavior disgraceful and equate it with black magic. There is also the unspoken danger if a woman is discovered in a camp full of young men to her reputation. Will she survive with her reputation?

Mulan was alright. Maybe it would have worked better on the big screen, or my television, a Samsung Smart TV, did not display the vibrant, colorful film optimally, but it felt flat, too long and underwhelming. I usually support women directors being at the helm, but not if they do not have experience filming martial arts films or action. I enjoyed Niki Caro’s Whale Rider, but the first scene when a young Mulan defies gravity looked hella cheap, which is fine for a television series such as Xena: The Warrior Princess where it is part of the series’ charm, but martial arts films have come a long way, and this movie has Disney money, which is the same Disney that has been delivering seamless CGI throughout the Marvel Cinematic Universe. They have the technology, money and experience so I have no idea why those assets were not transferred to this production. I swear that I could see where the green screen ended and the live action began. I also did not need so many still shots gawking at objects from overhead. Why?

Mulan, the live action version, definitely tells a different story from its animated antecedent with some pros and cons. The titular character gets a foil, a woman who was not accepted when she revealed her power. Gong Li plays Xianniang, a witch who looks like a queen, and she sides with the invaders. Her story is a kind of cautionary tale that all of Mulan’s seemingly harmless hijinks could lead to danger. She is honestly the best part of the movie and given how the invaders led by Bori Khan, whom Jason Scott Lee plays, and witch are depicted for the majority of the film, you will want to scream no way at the way the denouement bests them. It literally defies logic.

Introducing the theme of shape shifting in Mulan is a subtle nod to women’s normal bodies being considered inherently problematic. Mulan engages in practical shapeshifting by disguising herself as a man and binding her breasts, but taken to its unnatural extreme, we have Xianniang who gets to be a woman, but because a woman with power is considered demonic, she takes it to extremes and can become any man or animal. It is a provocative idea-in a world unwelcoming to women, they will not exist except in their most terrifying forms. What happens to the people that Xianniang becomes? It is left frustratingly silent, but considering that they never reappear…..Who do I call from Game of Thrones for Caro clearly ripping off a visually unforgettable moment from the series finale unless she did not, and we all drink from the same stream? The feelings evoked in these scenes are completely different.

It also does not help that Li is a legendary, iconic actor, and Yifei Liu, who plays Mulan, is not the best actor. She is not bad, but she is a wee bit wooden. She became inspiring in a late scene where she beats her fellow soldiers at succeeding in completing a difficult task. The music, mise en scene and acting of Liu and the rest of the cast finally come together to make her seem legendary. I did leave that scene asking myself, “How did she do that?” The film brilliantly and silently parallels the opening scene as a child chasing a chicken in the denouement so the question never rises because her entire life has prepared her for this moment, but her deftness with a sword or her ability to carry heavy things are not innate skills. Did her dad secretly teach her like Daddy Stark and Arya? I find it a little disappointing that this movie does not flesh out the mother’s role more. Mulan is an exception, not a rule, in terms of women being treated as full human beings.

I hated the story this time around, and I think that it is because I am older. It is really a man’s story repenting to his ancestors for raising his daughter incorrectly. The message is clear-Mulan, you suck. You lied and disgraced your family, but because you are the most competent warrior and clearly not a witch though that avalanche move rocked, we will let it slide. (Groan!) We are not admitting that we are wrong about chicks fighting, and we are not going to make any institutional change or reconsider our position on gender norms, but we will make you an exception to the rule and offer you this position, which you should have the good taste to turn down because you still suck for defying your parents. Or maybe you won’t turn it down because we want sequel money. We will play it by ear. So being a token is awesome. You can defy custom if it is in service of preserving power, but still must be punished for defying custom because you are wrong, not the custom, unless we grant you special privileges, and you are properly apologetic. I am fairly certain that no other Disney movie basically says Belle is a weirdo and Jasmine just needs to follow her daddy’s lead so hard as this movie. Fortunately they stop short of throwing a husband at her.

Superficial side note/controversial hot take: her alleged love interest this time around was not hot, and I want Cricket to get his own movie. He busted out those moves out of nowhere. Cricket looked death in the face and said, “Not today,” then moonwalked himself out of its way. Go, Cricket!

Mulan’s warrior outfit—um, why does her armor just cover her butt? I understand narratively how she got there, but she needs more armor to protect her chest. Am I wrong? Yes, she looked great with her flowing hair and red, drapey outfit, but could she not wear something underneath it?

I forgot that Jet Li was in this film and did not recognize him as the Emperor, who is constantly bathed in light to signify how special he is. With all the talk of the past, forget a sequel, I would not mind a prequel to see what happened in the first war, but only if the director was actually good at shooting fight scenes.

Mulan was a decent movie, but my expectations were high, and the reality was disappointing. There is definitely room for improvement. If I had seen it in the theaters, as long as it was a matinee, I probably would not have been too annoyed, but if I paid full price, I would have felt cheated.