Fun fact: I used to have a rule. If it wasn’t a Marvel movie, and Chris Hemsworth starred in it, don’t see it or if you must, see it at home: Blackhat, In the Heart of the Sea, 12 Strong. This rule served me well and saved me money, time and disappointment. Even the standalone Thor movies were the weaker parts of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It wasn’t a slam on Hemsworth, but on how Hollywood saw him. When the material was good, he was good: The Cabin in the Woods. Then it felt like he and Hollywood finally cracked the code with Ghostbusters. He was funny and hot. He started getting better material that allowed him to go against type: Bad Times at the El Royale. Thor: Ragnarok suddenly became one of the jewels in the MCU, but I wasn’t paying attention. He wasn’t the focal point in Bad Times, and Thor: Ragnarok was a Marvel movie.
I’m a completist, but I ambled away from the Men in Black franchise when Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones were at the height of their powers. Even my mom who despises anything sci fi went to the movies to see this film, and I just don’t care even though it is sci fi. I think the comedic element nullifies the usual effect that sci fi has on me so I’m not invested because nothing is at stake. I have no idea why, but the previews for Men in Black: International actually tickled me. I was genuinely interested again because of the promise of Tessa Thompson and Hemsworth teaming up. They worked beautifully in Thor: Ragnarok and their chemistry as on screen fighting buddies was still there in Avengers: Endgame. Again, I was ignoring my own rule: they were Marvel movies! Why? Thompson. I’ve been rooting for her to take center stage after she has done no wrong in strong, memorable supporting roles. This year, she had a success with Little Woods, a little indie flick, so I thought that this pair up outside the MCU would work.
Wrong! How bad is Men In Black: International? Two kids stopped watching the movie to read by the aisle lights fairly early in the proceedings. I was so jealous. What a great idea! I suppose that everyone has a mortgage to pay. This movie may have broken Hemsworth because he announced that he is taking a break from acting to be with his family. So what makes this movie so bad?
Men In Black: International’s story is kind of dreadful. It starts in 2016, but cuts short of showing the audience everything that happened, but is often referenced in order to cultivate suspicion about two characters. Unfortunately they didn’t need to do that to create suspicion of one of the two characters. If you watch movies or are just vaguely familiar with the actor (hint: this actor needs to eat a sandwich, makes highly entertaining movies, but is begging for a joke to be crafted about him walking into a bar with Jussie Smolett), you’ll go into the movie expecting that this character is the villain, especially if you’re black, so the structure was a complete waste and only detracted from the other of the two. Then the movie goes back to 1996 to introduce us to Molly, then returns to the present time to follow Molly intercutting her story with Agent H’s until their storylines intersect. There is no innate sense that they would make good partners other than she is ambitious, and he initially needs her, but after that, he should have been trying to dump her. Also she should be wary of him.
Initially there was something lively about Thompson’s character, Molly, later Agent M, as the character that viewers got to relate to as she learns about this strange world underneath ours, and she tries to enter theirs. It creates a natural trajectory in the movie that could have worked. It was particularly thrilling because the everyman was a black woman. Unfortunately Men In Black: International abandons this storyline, and she gets high in the ranks fairly quickly to become essentially a personality free smooth operator. It is also jarring because Molly is willing to abandon everyone and everything to join the ranks, but the movie never explains why that is. She seemed to have a good family life and have friends. We at least needed a line to explain why she was willing to ditch them for a career. There are more types of love than romantic. Hemsworth takes center stage, and at best, his character feels like a comedic spoof of James Bond set in the MiB franchise, which makes no sense if you think of the premise—they’re not supposed to stand out, and at worst, he is the hero, but the viewer can’t trust him because of the deliberate narrative structure, which distances us more from the character that we should be empathizing with. They should have shown what happened to him so we could relate to him, especially since the big reveal is so predictable. They are two gorgeous people, and I still wouldn’t encourage you to see this movie to bask in their beauty. This film is dull and feels too long.
Also I had some unfortunate Jar Jar Binks flashbacks while watching one of the aliens in Men In Black: International. There is an actual figure designed to charm children in the audience called Pawny that made me want to weep for society because it was such naked pandering. Kumail Nanjiani of The Big Sick did his best to make Pawny work, and occasionally it did, but it was predominantly cringe worthy.
If I had to compliment Men In Black: International, it would be for casting Les Twins or Laurent and Larry Nicholas Bourgeois, who were the most interesting parts of the film and possibly cousins to the alien in Brightburn. There is a long game gag setup during the 1996 Molly sequence that I set my watch to waiting for it to payoff, and it worked for me. Rebecca Ferguson was giving me June Diane Raphael in Long Shot fierceness though her whole getup was dreadful. I enjoyed the gags in all those fight sequences: the tiny hammer, one arm tied behind your back, etc. I got slight giggles even though they were beneath the quality of the humor that I’ve come to expect from a Hemsworth Thompson teamup. There are also Easter Eggs for MiB fans.
Men In Black: International was a complete letdown. I was so bored that it actually made me sleepy. If I watched it at home, I would have fallen asleep. I cannot think of any reason why you should watch it even if you like the cast and/or the Men in Black franchise. Even Glass had some solid, memorable moments. Skip it! If there is a sequel, I will not even watch it at home for free. There is too much great content on the big and small screen to waste your life on this movie.