Mary Queen of Scots stars Saorise Ronan as the titular character, and Margot Robbie plays her cousin, Queen Elizabeth I. Josie Rourke makes her cinematic directing debut in this sumptuous costume period drama that chronicles the Scottish Queen’s tumultuous reign.
Mary Queen of Scots is a lavish and beautiful movie: the landscapes, the costumes, the actors. If you are into historical movies, it may chafe a little because Mary is an over the top, slightly ahistorical, ideal leader. She believes in religious freedom, love and does a mean rendition of Lady Gaga’s Born This Way. She can kick the bacon’s ass then fry it up in a pan and make him act like a heterosexual man because she is a woman. She doesn’t need any man’s opinions. She wants to kick it with her Queen Sister as equals in solidarity against the salty men of their kingdoms who won’t let them be great. If she ran in 2016, the people would totally vote for her, but the Electoral College would still vote for Presidon’t because she isn’t a real Christian. She is a foreign whore, rich bitch who needs to learn to be submissive and delicate and stop hanging out with those evil homosexuals. While the general outline of Mary’s life is kept in tact, the movie correctly understands how to push the viewers’ political buttons so we can relate to her story on a visceral level. Historical movies are rarely historical, and their real purpose to consider our problems from a different era’s perspective.
Unfortunately the subtext of Mary Queen of Scots is like Snow White or a two hour four minutes who wore it better contest. There is even a fairly early scene when Elizabeth holds up a mirror and Mary’s portrait to do a “who is fairest of them all” test. Ronan and Robbie are both beautiful women and terrific actors, but it is kind of like comparing apples and oranges. Robbie has always been the bombshell type and lives her life more in the spotlight, and Ronan is a young actor who is predominantly known for her work while her private life stays private. This movie goes to excessively ridiculous lengths to make Queen Elizabeth I look horrible. Even Charlize Theron was like, “Come on, Robbie, we take you seriously. You’ll get your Oscar some day, but not like this. (While whispering softly and drawing her in for an encouraging hug) Not like this.” The movie purposely puts its thumb on the scale in every category to make you root for Mary. It would be less obvious if other characters had similar disfigurements, but it is just Queen Elizabeth I. Even the most hateful Protestant preacher moisturizes though he could work on his beard game. All the men have a skin regimen.
I understand that there is always going to be an endemic comparison in the story of their lives, but it is disappointing that a woman director constantly and instinctually went to cynical and tropey, gendered places to distinguish the two rulers from each other as if there were not so many other categories that they could compete in. To be fair, Mary Queen of Scots is an adaptation and dramatization of John Guy’s biography Queen of Scots: The True Life of Mary Stuart so maybe there are tons of pages devoted to their looks, but when have movies ever fully and faithfully adapted any book? Please don’t use that excuse. The reason is simple. We prefer beauty over disfigurement, especially in women, and Rourke’s work proves that she believes that their beauty is their most important quality regardless of the words coming out of their mouths.
Rourke’s favorite technique is to intercut and compare Elizabeth and Mary’s actions at any particular moment. Elizabeth is in bed with her boo who truly loves her, but she won’t let him get to second base whereas Mary is menstruating and having a sex talk with her ladies or more. Elizabeth is in charge of the arts and crafts project from hell while Mary is giving birth to her son. Elizabeth ultimately wins because she reaches some zen place and is above all the succession crap, but Mary can’t let that crap go. Ambitious women are bitches. Am I right? Give me a break! Elizabeth was ruler for 45 years so on some level, that can’t be true. You don’t stay in power by doing nothing. Mary Queen of Scots mainly shows Elizabeth sulking, doing her best Helena Bonham Carter’s Red Queen impression, making paper flowers and being mean to her ladies in waiting. Oh, and she also has a man that she listens to regularly. Why are we acting as if Queen Elizabeth was in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, she would be Black Widow from Avengers: Age of Ultron pining away from not having a baby. Why can’t the movie show both women being great as leaders and not primarily as women? This woman checking crap doesn’t help the cause and is an insidious way to undermine it (I write as I woman check her).
I also have to chide Mary Queen of Scots for using the how we got here narrative device, but could almost forgive it because of the fabulous wardrobe change. Such a beginning is always a deadly sign of weakness in the overall story. Also while the movie clearly champions LGBTQ rights, it is also not above using the tragically closeted gay villain trope. I know that it is actually a theory that came from the book, but it is an old movie device.
Mary Queen of Scots gets some things right. Lately British movies are always randomly and deliciously multicultural in their casting, and it generally makes the movies better, which added texture to one particularly harrowing scene. Why is Guy Pearce the second coming of John Hurt? When did that happen? I did not recognize David Tennant. When casting directors are looking for an actor who would make a believable misogynist, do they just look at each other and say, “David Tennant?” Even though it is history, there were several moments that I wanted to scream at the screen and tell characters what I thought they should do or what I thought of them so it was absorbing. Mary was definitely too nice to be queen because if you start a fight with me, I’ll finish it. What is a pardon?
Mary Queen of Scots is not Oscar material and does not make a lasting impression. For people who are big mad at this movie, please never watch Reign. Your head will explode. [I have yet to finish the final season.] If you really feel compelled to see it in theaters, go to a matinee to get some of the visual grandeur at a cheaper price. Trigger warning since there are a couple of rape scenes, but it is not gratuitous or graphic.
