“Madame Web” (2024) is the fourth film in Sony’s Spider-Man Universe (SSU), which includes “Venom” (2018), “Venom: Let There Be Carnage” (2021), and “Morbius” (2022). Cassandra “Cassie” Webb (Dakota Johnson) grew up in the foster care system and only feels comfortable with her fellow paramedics, including Ben Parker (Adam Scott). An accident unlocks her powers, which include the ability to see the future. Cassie’s visions reveal that Ezekiel Sims (Tahar Rahim), a man with Peruvian spider powers, is going to attack Julia Cornwall (Sydney Sweeney), Anya Corazon (Isabela Merced) and Mattie Franklin (Celeste O’Connor). Cassie decides to protect them and uncover the web that connects them.

Here is my personal ranking of SSU movies: “Venom,” “Venom: Let There Be Carnage,” “Madame Web,” and “Morbius”—I may trade the middle two’s slot depending on categories if forced to drill into specifics. Do not equate this ranking with a sign that this movie is good, but it is not as bad as everyone says. It is also not so bad that it is good, which is what makes it disappointing. It is mostly derivative, lack luster and low energy, which is Johnson’s signature affect, which works for her in many films, but in this one, makes it clear that she is putting in minimum effort and will not be like Michael Fassbender delivering a phenomenal performance that ranks higher than their surroundings.

Cassie is the kind of heroine that I would have loved as a kid and not recognized as underwritten or a blank slate to project my desired traits on to. “Madame Web” is heavy handed in the way that it signals that she is not a girly girl. All her friends are guys. She does not want to deal with kids. She is uncomfortable at a baby shower and is the only person not wearing a floral print or flowing dress instead sporting a leather jacket, jeans, and a basic heather grey shirt. She has no family because her mom died as a kid, and there is thankfully not a whiff of sexual tension between her and her work buddies. She likes cats. Now I would wonder why she does not have any friends outside of work, and how unfeasible it seems that at least Cassie is not beating people off with a stick if she has no interest in romantic relationships. Also no one even references her father so hurrah, no daddy issues, but um does this film know where babies come from?

The Pepsi-Cola product placement in “Madame Web” is obvious and distracting. She gets a can at a barbecue. In the denouement, there is a fight under a huge sign sporting the cursive words in lights. Then in the closing, everyone is celebrating with glass bottles of the stuff. No one drinks that beverage except at restaurants who offer nothing else or if it is on sale, and you still drink one of the two major colas.

Also the villain is lame and underwritten though his spin on violence is merciless and unflinching, which is the only reason he is somewhat terrifying. There is a point where Cassie reassures a character that he will not go after them if they get far away from her and the girls. Tell that to everyone in the subway when he wasted time killing a lot of people instead of them. It is hard to believe that a man walking around in the precursor to the Venom version of Spider-Man’s superhero costume would not be referenced in the future or explain why the media is so bent against a Spider-Man turning up, but “Madame Web” never works with that material. If Ezekiel had more henchmen, at least they could have looked at each other and rolled their eyes every time he spewed his tired backstory encapsulated in a single sentence: he grew up poor and is not doing it again. Alas, he only has one henchman…or henchwoman, Amaria (Zosua Mamet), who is probably the most interesting character who is not an obvious reference to more famous comic book figures. Amaria is a hacker and has some reservations about her boss’ plans, but Mamet, whom eagle-eyed viewers may recognize from the HBO television series “Girls,” plays her without an ounce of fear or belaboring the nerdiness of her character. She is smart, stylish, cool, and implicitly uninvested in anything except the check. Alas her screentime is limited.

“Madame Web” leans hard on making references to Spider-Man without explicitly referencing him because the MCU has the rights. The film is mostly set in 2003 just before Peter Parker has set foot on the scene but gives some Uncle Ben backstory and his extended family. Ezekiel is trying to kill the three girls because in the future, they may become Spider-Women. How? Yet to be determined, and only if there is a sequel. The final closing scenes feels as if it is heavily referencing the visuals of the X-Men though no mutants exist in this film. Las Aranas, a Peruvian jungle tribe of spider-people, is a cool idea that was so underutilized that it could have been written out entirely, and another backstory could have taken its place.

The narrative contains several storylines which I despise, but again, at least is not as bad as “Morbius,” which cowriters Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless penned together so why would Sony let them near another one of their Marvel ripoffs? Cowriter Claire Parker gets a debut writing credit in collaboration with them so no one should blame her since it is her first rodeo, and she gets lumped with two people which means that she is hanging over a glass cliff. First, the narrative sports the classic Marvel misunderstanding with the authorities, which makes Cassie into a fugitive and unable to rely on law enforcement for help. It requires Herculean levels of disbelief that people think that Cassie, not a huge muscular man who scores of witnesses saw, tried to attack the teens. The potential for legal trouble evaporates quickly once tension is no longer needed. Second, there are flashbacks of scenes that appear in the opening. Cut the runtime and do not reheat the leftovers. Everyone should remember or find a new way of conveying that information to Cassie, who is new to this world since the viewer knows more about her origins than she does. Third, stop thinking that women protagonists who are not likeable in a gender normative way need rehabilitating by nurturing and saving kids. I despise the Hollywood need to make a woman character likeable by saddling her with the duty of protecting then liking children. Finally, it makes supporting characters dumb so they can get into precarious situations so Cassie can save them. It is only plausible that one of the three could be protected without family intervention or the legal system stepping in, but the other two…absolutely not. No one would put up with Cassie as an unofficial or official guardian. Just hard no. It does not help that the three teens and Cassie have no real chemistry. Prepare for Chekhov’s heart compressions.

Visually debut feature director S.J. Clarkson borrows heavily from the MCU specifically the Ancient One from “Doctor Strange” with the ability to push a person’s soul out of their body. The déjà vu sequences work in terms of relating to Cassie’s confusion but gets tedious as the same scene plays repeatedly. Shattered windshield glass is reminiscent of a spider’s web-cue eyeroll. Clarkson’s usually directs in superb television such as “Ugly Betty,” “Dexter,” “Bates Motel,” “The Bridge,” “Jessica Jones” and “The Defenders”—the latter two are incredible Netflix Marvel shows that were gorgeous to look at so it is incredibly disappointing that with more resources, Clarkson takes a step back from her usual strong work. Hopefully it can be written off as a bad day, not a career defining moment.

Also Black people are not a monolith, but I felt slightly fucked with as a Black person. Every ineffective medical professional was Black. Cassie was a troublemaker and pot stirrer, and a Black man is the first man to die, but the third person whom “Madame Web” shows dying on screen. The first two are women. So I’m probably being oversensitive…..?

Cassie has no physical powers so all the tension rides on how she will outmaneuver a man with similar powers and physical prowess. Johnson shows a little verve in the denouement as Cassie gets accustomed to her powers. While the actual fight is nothing to write home about, Johnson looks impressive in civilian wear while wielding a debris shield. Making a superhero with none of the traditional advantages can be interesting. When she uses a cab as a weapon, it is genuinely funny. If “Madame Web” was a WB series like “Birds of Prey” (different universe, don’t @ me), it could work, but for a cinema experience, it is kind of flat. It does not do anything wrong, but it also does not knock any aspect out of the park. Even fantastic needle drops fail to quicken the pulse. I would watch a sequel, which will probably not happen.