Poster of Kingdom of Heaven

Kingdom of Heaven

Action, Adventure, Drama

Director: Ridley Scott

Release Date: May 6, 2005

Where to Watch

Please people! Stop making movies with epic ambitions, but are really thinly disguised historical metaphors for your current dissatisfaction within political and religious spheres. When I started watching Kingdom of Heaven, I didn’t realize that it was loosely based on an actual historical event. I don’t mind messing with history, but if you’re going to do it, it should make sense, and the story should be better. I also didn’t realize that Kingdom of Heaven was directed by Ridley Scott. Looks like he started stinking up the theater long before Prometheus. I miss the man who did Black Hawk Down, Gladiator, Alien and my personal favorite, BLADE RUNNER! Now he is just a disillusioned old man transmitting his fear of death and anger at institutional religion onto celluloid while not fully letting loose his rage. He always pulls back a bit which probably explains the mediocrity of this venture. The cast is amazing: Liam Neeson, Edward Norton, Eva Green and Jeremy Irons, but Scott gives Orlando Bloom the responsibility of holding the disparate parts of the movie together without the benefit of a blond wig, elf ears or a bow and infinite arrows. The battle scenes towards the end are the best. I’m always happy when Alexander Siddig gets work after Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, and he isn’t cast as a terrorist. Jaimie Lannister, I mean Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, and Kevin McKidd from Rome briefly appear. Literally anyone would be better in the central role than Orlando Bloom, and I like him, but he is not a focal point. He is a supporting actor. Also the story is just absurd. Skip Kingdom of Heaven. If you want anachronistic enjoyment, watch Xena.

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