I have no idea if I watched the original Fantasy Island, but I remember Tattoo screaming, “Da plane, da plane,” and Ricardo Montalban in his white suit. It was on ABC, right? I really enjoy Blumhouse Studios. I have not seen as many Blumhouse films in theaters as I have enjoyed so I figure that I owe them money. I also really enjoy horror films so when I saw the preview for this film, it had more going for it than not so I figured that I would roll the dice. I am well aware that while Michael Pena is a treasure, he does not always choose the best movies to appear in. I love Maggie Q, but outside Nikita, which weakened as it got renewed, who was I kidding to think that was a good sign.
Fantasy Island follows six guests who have the opportunity to play out their fantasies. Maggie Q plays a woman who does not believe that she deserves a good life. A cop chooses literally the worst fantasy ever though it briefly twists sweet. Brothers decide to party. A young woman decides to torture her former high school bully. The cop and the high school reunion scenario bored me. I wanted to get invested in their stories, but if we are honest, the cop managed to screw up a couple of times—in real life and on the Island.
Fantasy Island finds a way to tie together their stories while revealing the mysterious Mr. Roarke’s motivation for being on the Island, and the source of the Island’s power. Theoretically it could have worked, and the bones of the story are intriguing. It is like reading an anthology of short stories then discovering that the collection of stories are actually connected, and the anthology is actually a novel, but there is an inherent structural problem from the moment that the movie begins. The writers think the core of the story is different from what actually would have worked, but wait too long to act on it. All their empathy is riding on a character that no one came to see. They are unwilling to overtly commit to this one character’s story until later in the film, which kind of explains why the movie slackens in retaining its audience. It collects and rehashes various trite, outdated scenarios when depicting their fantasies, and when the group reunites, it feels as if the film should have ended earlier. There is a point when Maggie Q’s character thinks that she knows who is the key to solving their problems, but this key is so obviously connected to another character that it just seemed unbelievable that she would even suggest it. When we finally get to the end, it is obvious that they are begging for a sequel, but I do not want one. A big hint that the movie is going downhill is when the characters backtrack and go back to various locations where they have been before. It literally and metaphorically is a retread of what came earlier.
I signed up for horror, but really got a mystery from Fantasy Island that I actually never cared about. The real question that the writers wanted to answer is whose fantasy are we watching?
The real villain sends an icky message about who the real victims in quotidian horror are. It is regressive horror story, and Blumhouse usually delights by sticking with the underdog. There has to be a way to strike a balance for giving an opportunity of redemption for wrongdoers and justice for victims instead of making it seem retroactively right to victimize someone. Also I felt some kind of way about the ones who end up staying on the Island and those who leave. I am not saying that I should, but it felt weird to me.
Fantasy Island was not all bad. When did we decide that Ryan Hansen and Jimmy O. Yang should always be together? I saw them in Like A Boss as business partners and now in this film as brothers. I am all for it, but has this duo always been a thing? What is happening? They were kind of adorable. Maggie Q is better than the material deserves, went through all the poignant emotions and had to act like some of her dumb lines actually had a point. She is also very pretty. Michael Rooker has bills. Pena did his best though he is not given much to work with.
Fantasy Island should have tried to answer the question that the characters initially asked, and I was interested in: how did the island make people’s fantasies come true? It was Lost all over again, and shame on me for falling for it. I was hoping that the movie would show how the Island is sinister and reveal Mr. Roarke as an evil figure that could be misinterpreted as good or at least a person complicit to trying to hold back the evil that could erupt if unchecked. It would have been cool if instead of getting a lot of atmosphere about the Island’s supernatural qualities (black goo, snakes), we could have had a cohesive story with the Island as a character and how it exploits or draws energy from its human guests. It would have left room for implicit socioeconomic commentary about exploitation, toxic tourist industry and colonialism. Instead the Island ends up kind of toothless, just another tool that is neutral and only changes depending on who wields it. It is a huge, anticlimactic let down, especially given Parisa Fitz-Henley’s brief but memorable performance. I really enjoyed that Stepford Wife, double edge meaning to what we normally consider welcoming words, but do not bother to expect anything of substance to bolster her performance.
If I was making Fantasy Island as a horror film, I would have implied that it was the former Garden of Eden. Mr. Roarke is an angel left to guard it from humanity, but because of his time on Earth, he has a weak spot and allows people to experience paradise again, get a brief hall pass from exile. It would explain why people are inexplicably drawn to the place. If people stay too long on the island, because of the nature of original sin, eventually paradise would turn against them, but if they lived in harmony with the original intention of paradise, they could leave the place better than they arrived. It would have been cool to have the attendants resemble figures that disappeared in history or Bible that never died and walked with God: Amelia Earhart, Moses, Elijah, etc. Because it is the original point where good and evil clash, it could be a struggle for people’s souls and other figures could try to lure people to stay longer than they should so they could experience death for eternity.
Am I pitching a movie or a reboot of a series? Whatever. I like my idea, and you cannot have it. Fantasy Island was too basic in its goals and failed at following through on the creepiest ideas, but instead was too easily satisfied to punch down and stick to safer tropes than going completely bananas with the concept. Don’t even bother to watch it at home.