“Eternals” (2021) is the twenty-sixth film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and is as close to a standalone film as any MCU film has been to date. This installment follows Celestial Arishem’s creations. Ten superpowered people sent to Earth in 5000 BC protect human beings from the Deviants but are otherwise ordered not to interfere with human beings’ conflict other than to encourage human progress. Think a way more personable “2001” monolith. The Eternals have unquestionable faith in the Celestial, and once they accomplish their mission, they wile away the millennia waiting for Arishem to call them home, but their mission is not over yet. The Deviants have evolved, and the Eternals cannot defeat them as easily as they could in the past. Post Thanos’ snap, the time has come to finish the job. Will the Eternals be able to fulfill their mission? Chloe Zhao directed this film fresh off winning an Oscar for “Nomadland” (2020), which I have yet to see.

“Eternals” has an ensemble cast, but the real protagonist is Sersi (Gemma Chan). She is a countercultural choice because she is depicted as the touchy, feely feminine type. She is shown with children and in romantic relationships. She has always enjoyed close contact with human beings and is comfortable disguising herself as one of them. Her powers are very natural, organic, and lyrical in contrast to her colleagues who have more traditional abilities. Ikaris (Richard Madden), her ex, is the strongest of the group with the ability to fly and shoot lasers out of his eyes. Ajak (Salma Hayek) is the leader and healer and acts as the liaison between her team and Arishem. Kingo (Kumail Nanjiani) can shoot laser projectiles from his hands. Thena (Angelina Jolie), better known as Athena, goddess of war, can make weapons materialize in her hands and suffers from mental illness. Phastos (Brian Tyree Henry) is the tech wiz. Druig (Barry Keoghan) can control minds. Sprite (Lia McHugh) is a master of illusions and looks like a kid. Makkari (Lauren Ridloff) has superspeed. Gilgamesh (Don Lee, birth name Lee Dong-seok or Ma Dong-seok) is the literal strongest one.

There are some provocative themes in “Eternals” about the dangers of blind faith in the face of individual experience and a willingness to change your values. Having such a diverse cast with an Asian woman lead, the first openly gay superhero and first deaf superhero, this film should have felt energizing, but it feels like the kind of movie that is proud of plot twists that I could see coming a mile away, especially if you saw “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2” (2017). From the opening scenes, the true nature of the Eternals was obvious. I wonder if comic book fans are annoyed because it could be a departure from the original story. 

“Eternals” suffers from a common MCU plot. Dear MCU, stop introducing me to a group, and before I have had a chance to warm up to them, break them up and bring them together again. I need chemistry. The love story felt straight out of the mind of George Lucas meets colonizing anthropologists. Who could not fall in love if everyone worships you as a god because you are so awesome? I am always in a better mood when someone does my hair. Also for a group called the Eternals, they are not very good at their jobs and seem easily surprised. To be fair, it fits into the plot, but still!

Sometimes casting works, but it felt as if “Eternals” leaned too heavily on the resume of its actors. Thena was “Girl, Interrupted” with powers, which I enjoyed, and Jolie nailed, but still! I hereby want to introduce a new rule for every filmmaker to implement. Thou shalt not remind audiences of “Game of Thrones” more than once. You can have Madden. You can have Kit Harrington. You can have a character whose name sounds like Cersei. You cannot have all three without being distracting, especially if they are all in the same early scene. Is it fair? Life is not fair. One minute you are on a hit show, and the next minute fans resent you though it was not your fault. I may sue for emotional injury because I had to see Harrington dance. I am not saying that either Madden or Harrington did a bad job, but I am saying that they are too recognizable. Chan was literally another character in a MCU movie, but I had no problem with her. Also I am afraid that the MCU may have jumped the shark with the first mid-credits scene. Remember when Ed Sheeran appeared in an episode of “Game of Thrones,” and you cringed. That! Except worse and really exploded my suspension of disbelief.  I am not making a definitive statement that I refuse to pay to see a film if this person is in it, but it feels as if it is time.

As a period piece and a global jet setting film, “Eternals” gives less sparks than any of its counterparts. “Synchronic” (2019), my least favorite Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead film, jumped around different time periods on a budget, and I immediately knew which era the characters were in. If it was not for the intertitles, I would just think, “Long ago.” There is a point when the characters are in the Amazon Forest. How do I know? They told me. Other than London, I had zero recognition of location based on visuals except for the Bollywood scene. Side note: I need Indian movie reviewers to provide some insight on those moments of comic relief involving the Indian characters. While this film should have a different feel from Bond films, Zhao had too much money at her disposal for most scenes to feel as generic and interchangeable as they did. 

If “Eternals” has a problem, it is that you will not feel excited after the movie ends. Very little is memorable, and there are a lot of missed opportunities to create a textured film.

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The Celestials created the Deviants to kill any life that endangered intelligent life, but rebelled and wanted to eat anything. The Celestials created the Eternals to kill Deviants and make planets’ populations grow so another Celestial can be born, which destroys all life on the planet. The Celestial then wipes their minds so they can do it again and created them without the ability to evolve. Their programming makes them unquestionably loyal to the Celestial, but because Ajax disagreed and encouraged the others to get a life, they could finally question orders. They evolved because of love. Oy!  It is “Blade Runner” (1982) without the expiration date. They don’t age because they are androids thus the orb drive.

“Eternals” never explores the idea of the Deviants as anything but villains, which is a serious mistake. “Captain Marvel” used its twist and incorporated the Skrulls as sympathetic characters and allies, but just when the lead Deviant appears to be teaming up with the Eternals, the film decides nah.

Ikaris is the most interesting member of the group because he is the only one with a character arc. Despite his knowledge of his origins and mission, he chooses to remain faithful to the Celestials, starts killing his family except for his wife, but he cannot live with himself for betraying his beliefs and lives up to his name. Madden makes it work. “Eternals” should have embraced the idea that the heroes were villains, so the denouement felt more revolutionary than it was. 

Henry is always better than the movies that he is in. As Phastos, when he faces off with Ikaris, his vocal delivery expresses a seething resentment against Ikaris, which implies a racial component missing throughout most of the film, and it suggests a hierarchy that he never accepted and lived with. Keoghan, who has been terrifying since “The Killing of a Sacred Deer” (2017), gets off too lightly for playing a character that chose to spend his time cos playing “Heart of Darkness.” Why are we pretending that he is a hero?

Did casting realize that all the white characters were their sketchy Eternals? The unintentionally funniest moment was when Sprite revealed herself as Single White Female hating on the woman of color for getting the man. I see you, Sersi, making her human so she won’t be a threat anymore and stab you in the back. Is this a statement about intersectional feminism versus feminism?

When Sersi ended up being the hero because Druig could not do his thing for reasons, I thought it was ok because of the statement that the film was making, but not because I bought it. For images of real love, give me Thena and Gilgamesh and Phastos and Ben. I felt as if Jolie killed it as Thena as a combo of PTSD and wordlessly knowing more than she let on, which explained why she wanted to kill everyone. She said, “Hmmmm” early in the film, and I knew their mission was suspicious. Plus the film did very little to make their cover mission riveting. It felt repetitive and paint by numbers. I know that having the badass chick be the hero is typical so I don’t mind that they kept Jolie in the margins, but it did not do the film any favors. 

The only reason that I am not quitting this part of the MCU is Blade. Damn it!