Peter Jackson isn’t going to pay all of Sean Astin’s bills hence TV and films like Cabin Fever: Patient Zero. I have no idea how the movie ended up in my queue, but I generally enjoy outbreak flicks so it is possible that no shenanigans were involved. I did pause when I realized that it was the third in a franchise, but bravely pushed ahead when a quick search revealed that the second one was not available. Being a completist was not an option. Perhaps I should have stuck to my ideals.
Cabin Fever: Patient Zero involves two different groups of people and a crap ton of tropes. First, Astin plays a carrier, but not a sufferer, of a highly contagious, rapid spreading flesh eating virus, and a group of scientists are treating him like a lab rat to find the cure and get glory. Second, a group of friends are celebrating a guy’s bachelor party by exploring nearby but simultaneously remote islands. The group consists of two brothers, a childhood friend/business partner and a girl. So ensuing difficulties reveal tensions and latent rivalries in the group: love triangles, feelings of betrayal in the business, etc. I’ve made it sound more interesting than it actually is. They are grown, but act like yahoos so when they begin to get infected, shrug. Even the pre-wedding party is cliché.
There is one point when the flesh-eating epidemic tries to borrow from a zombie outbreak, which makes no sense, but at that point, I did not care. Whatever. Fine. The film is so predictably prurient and simultaneously grossed out by girls that when a certain sexual scenario occurs, you know Cabin Fever: Patient Zero will revisit it later. One word hint: period. There is a chick fight, but instead of ripping off clothes, the women are ripping off skin. Is this supposed to be funny and/or hot?
Currie Graham is actually an actor so I’m not sure why his acting is so wooden. The rest of the cast is unknown so at least they can plead lack of experience. The best part of the plot and acting involve Astin. Honestly the big reveal at the end almost made me wonder if Cabin Fever: Patient Zero was a good movie at some point, and some focus group screamed, “Boring!” then the filmmakers dumbed it down exponentially.
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I understand wanting revenge against your captors, but your freedom equals killing the whole world? THAT is a dick move. Also when they accepted the water bottles from him, I wondered why they even were near him and saw it coming. Didn’t they notice that the caps weren’t screwed on? OK, maybe the whole movie is dumb, but compared to the rest of movie, at least it was interesting.
