There was a time that I was really into chick lit and romantic comedy so I read all of Bridget Fielding’s books and watched the movie adaptations, but that was a long time ago, and I’ve forgotten every detail. I don’t even remember why I found those books remotely credible and appealing. I watched Bridget Jones’s Baby more out of an obligation as a completist than out of any sense of excitement that I should feel when a sequel comes out. If I want that sensation, give me a Marvel movie.
Bridget Jones’s Baby is the third movie in the franchise, which includes Bridget Jones’s Diary and Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. Unlike the other two, it is not based on a book, and now I know that there are still books being released about this character. Fortunately being an adult who has to drive to work and reading The History of the CIA has almost completely killed my ability to read books for fun so I may escape having to read Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy. Unlike the first two movies, Hugh Grant walked away after shooting a few scenes, which yikes, it wasn’t THAT bad! Grant basically said, “I don’t need money that bad. I have a reputation.” Meanwhile Colin Firth is like, “I’m in Mamma Mia! The rules don’t apply to me. You cannot hurt me! This is Sparta!” Firth could probably open a bank and lend out acting credibility that is how good his reputation is. By the way, don’t hurt me! I haven’t seen Mamma Mia! Maybe it is a masterpiece.
Bridget Jones’s Baby starts with a good attitude. The movie starts with Bridget alone, but she isn’t sad about it, and she’d rather chill than party. Everything is actually going really well until she tries to save the environment with her vagina (it makes sense if you see the movie). Now she has no idea who the father is. Is it Firth or Patrick Dempsey, who plays an American tech billionaire who is the male equivalent of a manic pixie chick because he seems too pleased to snag Bridget and potentially be her baby daddy when all he knows about her is that she is uncoordinated, sneaky and not good at communicating or being considerate of other people’s feelings. Were you teased a lot as a kid so your self-esteem is in the toilet? Dude, I don’t see it for Dempsey like that (his voice is weird), but he is rich. Dude can do better all day every day. If he was my friend, I would tell him be a good father, but you don’t have to commit to the mama. Just co-parent and bring your own condoms to your next hookup.
Bridget Jones’s Baby does not share my sensibility so naturally the father will be THE ONE so a lot of the dramatic tension is derived from Firth feeling inadequate in the face of competition. For real? Here is how you know that Firth is a thespian because that is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. Dempsey’s Dr. McDreamy was a glint in his eye when Firth became Mr. Darcy. Get outta here! Firth’s character isn’t even divorced in the movie and after an obligatory, “tsk tsk, have some self respect,” I kept it going. If Grant isn’t in the movie, why are you playing?
I think that my main problem with Bridget Jones’s Baby is that I’m supposed to be rooting for Bridget, but I can’t. She keeps screwing up on her job and is unprofessional so while her boss is a jackass, she had done a number of incompetent things before that happened. The way that she jerks around the two guys is unconscionable. When she accidentally locks herself outside of an ATM with her stuff inside, I was internally screaming, “Just wait until someone uses it to get your stuff or ask a passerby to let you in. If you walk away, you’re going to lose your stuff.” She keeps failing up. She is too grown to be this stupid, and now she is going to be someone’s mother. At least be a little functional. Renee Zellweger accomplishes the Herculean task of keeping her likeable, but it is more heavy lifting than any actor should have to bear.
It has only been two years since Bridget Jones’s Baby has been released, but it has already aged badly. It suffers from “pick me” syndrome when a woman tries incredibly hard to distinguish herself from THOSE feminists who are just crazy and humorless, but we’re fun, like men and aren’t angry. It isn’t an accident that Bridget Jones feminism leads to the same results as no feminism with the man outside the labor room, the woman without a job except for a baby and marriage and allowing the man to handle everything. Permit me to clarify—you can be a feminist and not want your man in the labor room, decide to be a stay at home wife and mom, but just like a woman who makes those choices does not want to be feminist checked by those who don’t, directing jokes at women who are at the other end of the spectrum seems more like appeasing men and reaching for stereotypical low-hanging fruit than making a sincere critique of other feminists. You can’t have it both ways, Emma Thompson, who apparently is the anti-Carrie Fisher type of script doctor and is a far superior actor than writer if this movie is in any indication.
It especially does not play well in 2018 when women who aren’t in the fifty-two percent and other minorities have to protest almost every damn day in the United States just so we can fail at retaining the rights that we had yesterday. You made fun of Pussy Riot, but just like Bridget Jones, your international news research sucked, and it turns out that they weren’t over-reacting, but they were a portend for the future, a harbinger of what we all would become after Presidon’t came to office. The future may be female, but female does not mean that you have your hand on the pulse of morality. Unintentionally Bridget Jones’s Baby landed on the wrong side of history, and non-violent, civil rights protests and marches are the norm, not something to be ridiculed.
Bridget Jones’s Baby was mildly entertaining, but if you don’t instantly recognize Bridget Jones’ name, then don’t bother watching this movie. While it has charming moments, it suffers from an unhealthy and unrealistic attitude about life that is endemic to most rom coms. There are things that you can get away with when you’re young, inexperienced and stupid, but Bridget Jones as a franchise is old enough to know better, but doesn’t do better. Skip it.