I added every Zoe Bell film to my queue, and after watching Bitch Slap, I may have to reconsider that decision. Bitch Slap theoretically had a lot going for it. Bitch Slap seems like a Grindhouse feature reminiscent of the revival led by Quentin Tarantino’s Death Proof and Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror. The director and writer worked on Xena: Warrior Princess directed Bitch Slap. Lucy Lawless and Gabrielle O’Connor have a cameo. So I thought that Bitch Slap would have the same vibe-an exploitative gaze that was ultimately empowering and fun, but I was woefully wrong.
Bitch Slap just feels exploitative. Bitch Slap has The Usual Suspects and Memento pretensions, but is ultimately an excuse for scantily clad women in wet shirts overcome by their lesbian sexual desires. Bitch Slap’s dialogue is rife with synonyms for boobs and vagina, but not in a naughty, juvenile SNL way. It is just ugly. I could overlook all of this if I just enjoyed Bitch Slap’s fight scenes, but I didn’t. Bell was the choreographer, and I adore her, but the execution did not translate to the film. Bell, Lawless and O’Connor’s cameos were not worth losing 1 hour and 49 minutes of my life to this garbage.
I have an unofficial rule that if the special features are as long or longer than the feature film, it isn’t a good sign, but I didn’t take my own advice. I actually enjoyed the special features more because I got what I wanted: more Lawless, O’Connor, Bell and Michael Hurst from Hercules: The Legendary Journeys. It is obvious that everyone worked really hard on Bitch Slap and enjoyed each other’s company, but Bitch Slap was dreadful to watch. If you’re looking for bad girls with big boobs, then Bitch Slap is for you, but if you’re looking for the rightful heir to Xena: Warrior Princess or the new wave of Grindhouse flicks, keep moving.