I saw Bad Santa in theaters when my sensibilities were far more delicate, howled with laughter then ran out of the theater before the lights came up because no one needed to know who that crazy person was that couldn’t stop laughing. All sequels aren’t bad, and the amount of time between sequels does not determine whether or not the movie will actually be good. Look at Mad Max: Fury Road, which is the polar opposite of Bad Santa 2 in terms of quality and value.
Bad Santa 2 was so not funny that I questioned whether or not the original was ever good, and I was just amused by the shock value. It essentially follows the formula of the first movie. Billy Bob Thornton plays the titular character, but things aren’t going as well as they were at the end of the first movie. Instead of the comedy genius, dearly departed Bernie Mac, we get the dramatic genius Kathy Bates as the heist master and his mother. This storyline really bothered me because I kept thinking, “Is she old enough to be his mother? Come on!” Spoiler alert: she is not. At one point, they plausibly pretend to be a married couple as Santa and Mrs. Claus. It isn’t that hard to notice. Here is a tip: if your leading man is literally older and looks older than most of the women that he is going to hook up with, don’t make his mom a contemporary. There are seven years between them. They’re both good actors, not masters of illusion. Tony Cox is back as Marcus, and with no disrespect intended to Cox, while he contributes to the overall humor of the movie, he wasn’t the determining factor of my amusement. The Bad Santa franchise does not rest on Cox’s shoulders. He can make it better. He can’t make it worst.
I have no idea what it says about Lauren Graham, whom I adore and have faithfully followed from Caroline in the City, Townies, Gilmore Girls and Parenthood, and Christina Hendricks, who both play sexual partners and love interests to Thornton’s character, but I never bought that the latter character would be sexually attracted to Thornton’s character; however because Hendricks is in Bad Santa 2, it does offer the funniest line in the movie remarking on her “gigantic titties,” which is a true story, to her face and she has to look completely serious and vaguely accepting instead of react how the average woman would. Spoiler alert: probably would be the last time that a guy got to say anything to that woman. I almost believe that they cast Hendricks just so they could use that line. I would cast Hendricks to get an opportunity to find out where she gets her bras then immediately go there and buy whatever I could afford because it is a blessing and a curse. Some days I want a high library cart to take some of the weight off.
Bad Santa 2 was annoying because Thornton’s character is supposed to be cynical and a smart con man, but from the beginning of the movie, I could see the okie doke coming, but he couldn’t. The whole proceeding is painfully predictable. All the scatological humor in the world isn’t funny if it lacks authenticity. I didn’t buy it. It felt as if someone watched the first film, wanted to be like it so made the same movie not realizing that sequels need to feel slightly different and wiser than the first time around.
It isn’t even good or enough of a reason to watch Bad Santa 2, but the best part is the relationship between Thornton’s character and Thurman Merman. It is cheesy and predictable, but oddly enough, it works and is kind of sweet so good job, Brett Kelly. You got me! I found your character unbearably annoying, but was still invested in his feelings. It is a Christmas movie so it is supposed to tug at your heartstrings.
Since I’m busy looking for silver linings in Bad Santa 2, an angel on the Christmas tree goes to Valerie Wiseman, who plays Greta, a cater waiter at a fundraiser that Thornton’s character is playing Santa. She was so professional, had presence and stood out that I would not have minded if the cameras suddenly broke away and followed her home. I also didn’t buy that she would give this guy a handjob. Why? What does she get out of this? She already probably didn’t want to serve him drinks as part of her job. I like Thornton, which is why I generally will watch him in anything, but in this movie, there is no reason to be hot for him, especially if the sexual relationship is one-sided and not reciprocal. Wiseman, you deserve better, but performed admirably.
What bills did Bates and Thornton have to pay to agree to be in Bad Santa 2? Or did they miss hanging out after Primary Colors? Bates’ role was not funny. I know that her character does not see herself as a victim, but hearing someone explain that she became a mother at thirteen years old does not make me laugh, it makes me want to call 911. Who thought that would be funny? I blame the writers then I blame Thornton and Bates because this movie does not get made without their names on the marquee, especially Thornton.
If you’re a completist like me, you’ll have to watch Bad Santa 2, but even if you enjoyed the first one, it is unlikely that you will enjoy the second one. It was a complete waste of time and made me wonder if any funny movies exist that is how much they sucked the fun out of the room. Fortunately the next movie that I saw was a hilarious and restored my faith in comedies.