Avengers: Endgame is the twenty-second movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and the sequel to Avengers: Infinity War. I have no idea why anyone who hasn’t watched most if not all the preceding movies would even consider watching this installment (to not feel left out?) so this review is NOT for you. If you don’t watch comic book movies, scram, your kind is not welcome. I watched all the movies, and I felt ill prepared because I didn’t recently rewatch all of them. I was too busy rewatching seven seasons of Game of Thrones! I need Disney to release a box set of all twenty-two movies.

For the rest of us, we made it! Not everyone did (RIP and thank you, Stan Lee.) We’re at the end of a journey that started since 2008, and it feels like an accomplishment to come so far, but it is also a commencement for the next phase of the MCU as other recently introduced heroes will take center stage and others step back. I couldn’t wait until the weekend to see this film. I saw the three hour and one minute on opening night, Thursday, April 25, 2019 after work knowing that I was going to work the next day. You don’t want to miss a moment so I suggest that you stop drinking or eating two hours before the movie, use the bathroom after arriving at the theater and getting your seat, but before Avengers: Endgame starts and probably skip the concession stand. At the beginning of the movie, not during the previews, people were still filing in and out so I don’t think that this advice is instinctual, obvious or excessive. We worked too hard to make amateur mistakes, people!

Avengers: Endgame resumes almost immediately after Avengers: Infinity War and directly after the final scene in Captain Marvel. It is divided into three parts: establishing everyone’s status immediately after the snap, getting the logistics into place to make it practically and psychologically feasible to remedy the consequences of the snap and the effort to fix the snap. Sounds fairly simple, right? Wrong. It is an intricate thank you letter to the film and comic book fans, the actors and the story that rewards us for coming so far. I will say that there are moments in the second part that I found confusing so while the first part of this review is going to be spoiler free, this review will include a spoiler section where I will get into detail of the plot and each character with the caveat that I do plan to rewatch all the movies and am completely prepared to concede in the future that the confusion may lie with me, not the filmmakers. I’m getting older, a lot of time has passed, and I’ve watched a ton of things in the interim. It is possible. I am willing to remain firm that there were a few moments that I would have cut in the second part because I’m an unfeeling, greedy philistine who wanted to get to the denouement and felt the coffee wearing off, but the first two thirds of the movie take our heroes on an emotionally nuanced journeys that pay off in the denouement.

After Avengers: Infinity War when Black Panther and his crew were mostly on the sidelines instead of the focal point, I expected that Carol Danvers would play a role, but not take center stage per se in Avengers: Endgame. It was the only aspect of the movie that I correctly predicted. I feel as if M. Night Shyamalan needed to see this movie before making Glass because he defied expectations by making a horrid movie whereas Avengers: Endgame exceeds our expectations, but still knows how to keep us off-balanced and uncertain. I basically screamed the entire last third while others sobbed quietly or screamed along with me. Even though the overall tone is sober, it is a funny movie. Not funny ha ha, but funny howling peals of laughter and clapping. It is better than most films that market themselves as comedies. I will also concede that because I am a heartless bastard, I laughed a couple of times when it was objectively not funny. I’m a horrible person and will confess my sins later.

Some reviewers complained that past movies just felt like previews for the next upcoming Marvel movie, but praised this movie for not doing that. I don’t think that they understand that the final third of the film, especially the end, was a preview for the heroes introduced in later phases to take a step forward and signal what the future of the MCU will look like for fans so we are excited to look forward to future installments. People may think that it is too commercial, but it gets me hyped, and I can’t wait to see a feature with most of those heroes. The action filled denouement was a symphony that never turned muddy or had a numbing effect. It is the only football game that I’ll happily watch. The stakes felt real and visceral. There was a lot to lose, and a win is never guaranteed after Avengers: Infinity War. People die and stay dead. Sure anything is possible, but the consequences are grave. The emotional and personal infused action of the final hour will leave you screaming and/or crying in your seats while begging for more. See this movie before reading the rest of this review!

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Avengers: Endgame’s story is audacious. It plunges us back into the mood post-snap, and we never really emerge until the middle of the final third of the movie, which I appreciated. The movie locates and kills Thanos fairly early, which left me asking, “Now what?” We have seen twenty-one movies, and the MCU still knows how to keep its audience guessing. The movie restricts the story to the original surviving Avengers (Black Widow, Hawkeye, Captain America, Tony, War Machine, Thor, Progessor Hulk) with a sprinkling of the newer heroes (Nebula, Ant-Man, Rocket) as supporting members in occasionally counterintuitive pairings that produced emotionally rewarding and provocative plot twists. The first third shows how the heroes process failure, which makes this installment one of the least political, most personal installments in the MCU.

How to fix the snap? Time travel. It turns out all the television series (Agent Carter) and movies that you either hated (Thor: Dark World, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Doctor Strange, Iron Man 3), ignored (Ant-Man, Ant-Man and The Wasp) or loved (Iron Man, The Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Captain America: Civil War) all played a pivotal role in Avengers: Endgame as they jump around locations and time periods revisiting iconic scenes. I have a visceral hatred for flashbacks in movies and consider it a manipulative and lazy way to rest on your laurels by trying to elicit my original emotional response to the scene, but this movie does it the right way because they tweak most moments to bring the heroes to an emotional place so they can be prepared for the steps that they will later take in the denouement. Most of the heroes have to confront their personal issues with death by coincidentally revisiting a time when the person that he or she loved the most was still alive, and he or she could finally get closure. Cap sees Peggy. Nebula encounters her dad and sister, which is crucial and necessary to the success of the final denouement. Tony has a moment with his father and has an epiphany, which directly contributes to his final actions: self-interest versus the greater good, but left me thinking, “Chop chop.” Thor sees his mom, which actually succeeded at warming my cold, hard heart. The exceptions were Hulk, Hawkeye and Black Widow, who were more preoccupied with getting the stone and returning to the present than the actual facing of their past.

While watching the second third of Avengers: Endgame, I wondered if there were plot holes because of the return to past scenes; however I am going to temporarily sign a waiver because they were emotionally satisfying and enjoyable scenes. Loki escapes and reclaims the Space Stone. Wouldn’t that have past ramifications or does the alternative time line occur? Are we getting into string theory, people? I’m inclined to think not because Steve marries Peggy then still ends up in our timeline. Also how could Steve Rogers marry Peggy Carter, and no one noticed the resemblance? It is true that we never see Peggy Carter’s husband or hear his name so it is possible, but really? Also knowing Steve, I just don’t see him refraining from heroic activities and blowing his cover. I guess that Peggy is a better spy than even I thought that she was, and I love her. Also if present-Nebula kills past-Nebula, and past-Gamora stays in the present, but doesn’t move forward, doesn’t that completely destroy the present timeline? And by past-Thanos coming to the present and getting killed with his crew, doesn’t that destroy snap Thanos before he can win? I don’t get it, and I need someone to explain it to me. I understand that everyone says that they can’t alter history, but it seems as if the Infinity Stones aren’t the only things that they need to return to that point in history, but they would have to return the past selves to the place where they departed. Also I probably missed it, but did Cap return Mjolnir too?

You know how to get me NOT to quibble. I’m invested in these characters, these stories and the overarching story works. They get back to basics then give us the victory and emotional catharsis that we crave. (See, Damon Lindeof, THIS is how you do it.) When I heard Sam’s voice, then saw Dr. Strange and his magical peeps’ circles appear, and Black Panther’s crew appeared, even before they chanted, “We roll back,” I was full-throat screaming and clapping! We have a motherfuckin’ Pegasus! (When fire started to rain down, I didn’t even know that Pegasus, but I was worried for it.) The second biggest scream resounded when Spider-Man appeared. Scarlet Witch took her gloves off. Captain Marvel didn’t even blink when Thanos hit her in the face like a grown-ass Titan, and she was singlehandedly smirking destroying fleets of massive space ships. When Rocket saved Groot from the fire, awwwww. I think the movie teased an A-Force, all woman Avengers movie, during the battle. For such a massive battle, it kept all the emotional beats, never became chaos cinema and was an utterly satisfying antidote to Avengers: Infinity War without feeling like a cheat because there were lasting consequences. You live by the snap. You die by the snap.

Let’s go through characters! Did Jessica Jones, The Punisher, Daredevil, Luke Cage, Iron Fist or Claire survive the snap? I love Rocket. He is perfect. Robert Redford lied. The Old Man and the Gun was not his last acting role.

Captain America/Steve Rogers had the best story arc throughout the MCU so far. He is still mister goody two shoes, but during the elevator scene that recreates Captain America: Winter Soldier, he shows that he has learned a few things over the years. He works smarter, not harder, but is willing to give it all against all odds to save the world. “That’s America’s ass.” “Yeah, I know.” “Avengers Assemble.” He got the best lines of all the Avengers. He IS worthy! He is like the opposite of Samson. The beard made him hotter, but weaker. I’m happy for him. I kept expecting the Punisher to walk into his therapy group. Can you imagine them together? His core identity has never changed while he has grown as a human being.

Thor had the best moments. Avengers: Endgame made one of my least favorite movies a retroactively better film, and finally gave Rene Russo the shine that she deserved and was long overdue. Wait, she was raised by witches? More please. I will admit that I wanted the team to push time through Thor and get that Ragnarok look back. I’m also fine with him looking like his daddy, Odin, played by Anthony Hopkins, but with a samurai-like hairstyle. Keeping him paired with Rocket and the (As)Guardians is something that I’m looking forward to revisiting in the future. Cap may have gotten the best one-liners, but Hemsworth embodies humor while embracing messiness.  Whispers, “Of course.” I’m glad that he got a chance to deal with his pain instead of just pushing it away with jokes and accomplishments, which I suppose that he has been doing up to now. So Loki is alive and still a little evil, right?

Robert Downey Jr. was Tony Stark/Iron Man. I know that he probably didn’t pull a Christian Bale, but just to be safe I want him to eat a sandwich. I don’t remember the infection from Avengers: Infinity War. When he first sees Cap, I was glad that he was being normal again, but give him an IV, and he is back to being a jerk. I know that I’m controversial, but I never forgave him for taking a hypocritical stance on the Sokovia Accords. The only reason that everyone wasn’t assembled against snap Thanos was because of his actions. Also siding with Ross, who is your best science friend’s enemy, is something that I could never forgive until now. How good is Downey at acting? When he acts with kids, I don’t hate it and was actually charmed by it. You could see how he was the same man that he was in Iron Man 3, which prepared him to be a father and humanized him since we’ve mostly been seeing humorless, vengeful Tony. His kid was cute. I still gave him some side-eye because he was the only one prospering post-snap. Side note: Jarvis! I’m glad that Tony died so that he can’t become a humorless dick to his friends again because that seems to be his pendulum. Stay redeemed. Side note: I know that Tony had to beat Thanos, but I’m not buying that even with an Infinity Stone (to be fair, I didn’t see which one Thanos hit her with), Thanos could beat Captain Marvel. She IS an Infinity Stone. Change my mind!

Professor Hulk brunches and is cool with his fans. I love that he found balance and seemed super comfortable with himself. He was actually handsome. What is going on? I love when he was mortified seeing his past self. How psyched was Mark Ruffalo to act opposite Tilda Swinton!  He needs to enroll Thor in his TED talk. When he started to drown, it triggered Glass PTSD. Nice twist with the gamma radiation side effect of the snap. I’ll sign the get-well card. How much should I put in?

Who knew that Scott Lang was paying attention in class? His idea saved the world! What?!? Also the movie is realistic because apparently Paul Rudd doesn’t age in real life either. His looks are like wine or he has some people of color in his ancestry. How do you know that Lang is a great father? His teenage daughter still loves him! The chemistry with Scott and the Wasp during the battle was lovely.

Nebula takes self-hating to a literal level. Stop hitting yourself! Pairing her with War Machine and Tony were good choices because it brought out facets in her character and Rhodey’s that we haven’t lingered on. I actually wanted more because out of all the characters, they are the ones that literally lost something other than Thor, who took the eye thing really well. I did not expect the feedback problem that contributed to the denouement. It was an ingenious way to bring the best villain back.

I blinked and missed it. What did Rocket give Hawkeye, aka Clint Barton? Shouldn’t he get arrested again? After the snap, did they decide not to enforce the electronic monitor bracelet and get rid of the Sokovia Accords? These details matter because Ross was at the funeral not screaming at anybody. In addition, Hawkeye, aka Clint Barton, got a Mortal Kombat makeover with an Arrow/The Punisher attitude and went full vigilante. I’m not familiar with Ronin, and honestly, I would have cut out most of Hawkeye’s parts except for the beginning scene. He was straight up murdering people, and I’m not overlooking it in the MCU. I think that there should be psychological ramifications even though his family came back and legal ramifications. If you can get in trouble for doing something good, you should definitely get in trouble when you do something bad. His Vormir episode and run with the gauntlet reminded me of Tag, and I kept thinking that he shouldn’t have any responsibilities because out of everyone in the team, he needs the most therapy and was going to screw up even if he was the best player. I can’t unsee that movie, people! I’m sorry. What cell phone family plan does he have that after five years, his wife’s phone was still active and working? Professor Hulk’s snap game is strong.

Black Widow is never getting that movie, y’all. Her hair was dreadful. She used white bread to make a sandwich. How is she in shape? She randomly stumbled into a Maury episode while on an epic quest and found out her dad’s name. I laughed because Vormir always requires a chick to end up broken at the foot of its cliffs. If you’re a woman, don’t visit that place. I know that it was self-sacrificial, but out of all the characters, she always managed to get the short end of the stick in terms of filling out her story. Marvel’s only broken promise. Her ledger may not have any more red unless her own blood counts. Fortunately Scar Jo is dreadful at press so I’m not mad about it. I love Okoye’s response to her taking command.

Black people are taking all the jobs. Valkyrie got promoted, and I’m psyched to see her standalone movie. I think the Pegasus sealed the deal. Seriously, it was obvious that she stepped up and became a part of something bigger since Thor: Ragnarok. She was off the sauce. She definitely deserved it. Tessa Thompson is going to make some money.

I’m theoretically happy that Falcon, aka Sam Wilson, got a promotion as the new Captain America because the fanboys are going to mad, and I know that it happened in the comics. Great story move, but as an actual supporting character on screen, until Avengers: Endgame when he used his wing tips to stab someone, he never stood out for me except as Cap’s buddy. I am also not a fan of Anthony “make daddy a sandwich” Mackie so we’ll see if my love of Marvel and my completist nature will outweigh my disgust at the actor. I know that it wouldn’t make sense, but can we just give the promotion to Rhodey instead?

Even Ms. 52% Pepper Potts, i.e. Mrs. Iron Man, played by Tara Reid (it is a Sharknado joke), got in the action and joined the final battle. I’m the only person in the world who liked Iron Man 3 because I prefer Potts throwing hands than just supporting Tony. I actually thought she was Ghost. Where is Ghost?

Here is an interesting hypothetical. If Tony’s damaging accords actions never took place, and the team was unified as they were in this final battle, could they beat snap Thanos? Probably not so maybe I need to let go of my scapegoating of Tony. Past-Thanos was probably stronger and fresher, but not as powerful and experienced as snap Thanos, and past-Thanos almost beat them even though the Avengers had the power of hindsight, focus and experience. Past-Thanos didn’t know their strategies and still could have won although I’m still throwing side eye at the filmmakers for pretending as if Carol can be defeated. I will never let that go.

Avengers: Endgame ended strong, and the MCU did what no other franchise has set out to do. In spite of that, I would have tightened up the middle a little bit because I’m not into sentimentality, cut a lot of Hawkeye and Black Widow and am still processing where it lands in terms of ranking compared to previous installments. I floated out of the theater, and I am still riding that high. I’m glad that we made it and look forward to seeing where the MCU goes from here.