Angels & Demons is the sequel to The Da Vinci Code in the film world, but in Dan Brown’s airplane novel franchise, it is the first book in the series. It stars America’s favorite actor, Tom Hanks, as Robert Langdon, a Harvard symbologist professor, which is not even a concentration at Harvard, i.e. a field of study. Langdon teams up with a hot nuclear physicist because is there any other kind to stop terrorism from disrupting the conclave after the Pope’s death. Will they succeed?
The real question that you should ask before watching Angels & Demons is will you care? It took me a couple of attempts over the course of years to succeed in actually watching the movie. I did not get too far the first time before the ridiculousness of the plot overwhelmed me, and I was convicted of the fact that literally anything else was more worthy of my time. Everyone has an ego, but even Hanks cannot dilute Brown’s adult son in the basement’s fantasies and issues. What bugs me the most about these creations? They are not even original, but rehashed theories from entertainment sci fi speculation shows cast as history from the Discovery channel originally aired in the nineties when I did not even have cable yet still managed to glean enough information from that I can spot Brown determining how much he can lift from those shows without getting accused of plagiarism. Disgust is one way to cure completism. I only read his first two books and do not have a scintilla of desire to read his third. The curse is broken. Apparently Ron Howard wanted to adapt all three movies, but found a way to lift the curse too! Congratulations to Hanks for not having to resume playing such a crap protagonist.
Angels & Demons had one scene where an allegedly claustrophobic Harvard professor basically rescues a member of the Swiss guard. GTFOH. No! NO! Maybe if this movie was set soon after World War II, I could suspend disbelief long enough to get with the program, but it is not so I cannot. Brown, even in your wildest fantasies, you would not be able to do this! Why are you like this? Leave it in your diary or dream journal. You are just embarrassing yourself. Thank God, we are at least spared from Langdon having a romantic storyline in this round. He probably did not want Vincent D’Onofrio as Daredevil’s Kingpin dropping in and killing Langdon for looking at his soul mate. One of the better parts of the film is getting to see Ayelet Zurer in another role because I am not familiar with her work, but she is clearly a solid and counterintuitive actor who finds innovative ways of approaching a role. Congratulations, you escaped the less than a Bond girl curse. At least if you are a Bond Girl, you get Daniel Craig-no insult intended to Hanks because I do separate him from the cringeworthy character that he is playing, but come on! Thank you scriptwriters for sparing Zuret from having to execute all of Brown’s fantasies.
If there is a real reason to watch Angels & Demons, it is to watch Ewan McGregor play the obligatory hot priest. Yes, please and thank you. Now that I know McGregor is progressive bae, I am completely on board with all the casting directors who struggle and succeed at getting him to play in their crap movies. He will get you a few more butts in the theater with that smile. How many bills do you have McGregor? Everyone in this movie is better than this, but do they know it? His character is the most interesting one in the film, but if you watch Law & Order, there will not be that many surprises because the culprit is always the most famous person who is not the protagonist. Oops, spoiler alert. I am doing you a favor. He gets some solid action moments, and since I like vestments as a fashion choice, I enjoyed watching McGregor earn his paycheck. Work it in your long dress! He was apparently very invested in the role. After watching the movie, I found out there was some elaborate long speech that he insisted that he could do in one shot then succeeded so it was the one and only take made during production. I do not remember this scene, but good for McGregor for caring like Fassbender in all those dreadful X-Men and Alien prequel movies. You are the caged bird singing. I see and appreciate you.
Everyone who worked on Angels & Demons deserves professionalism points. The production design is lush, and they cared about visual details. If you are the kind of person who can find appeal in a movie because of the minimal amount of mystery, action and international gloss without getting blown away by the actual story, then this film is for you. I feel as if Brown movies exist for people who think that they are above Marvel films and exclusively watch period films and think they are intellectuals, but find this crap breathtaking; however if you actually introduced them to a foreign film or an artsy fartsy film, they would suddenly have the vapors, clutch their pearls and collapse in horror? Someone should do a study. Because this film gives the veneer of quality with an excellent cast and costly production, no one is supposed to notice that the actual story is absurd and disappointing. Stay home, save your money and watch Blindspot instead if theaters ever have another Brown film to dispense to the masses.
If I had to compliment Angels & Demons, it is at least better than The Da Vinci Code, which I barely remember, but did watch in one sitting. There are no evil albinos or obvious eyeroll worthy tropes that will make you guffaw in laughter. It also does not have an ax to grind and kind of reaches a kumbaya détente between science and the Catholic Church, which probably left Brown fuming because he seems to really hate the Catholic Church, which is very early twenty-first century chic. As someone who was raised fundamentalist Protestant, Scarlett, I don’t give a damn. We were taught that Catholics were not really Christians anyway, which plot twist, maybe some fundamentalists are not either. (Ducks and runs for cover.) I am too busy with my own issues to Christian check anybody so all the hullabaloo seems like a waste of energy and time. Also most Christians do not see a huge divide between science and Christ so shrug. Call me on the movies that handle sexual abuse in the Catholic Church, and I will scream right alongside you. Brown does the most for the wrong reasons.
Angels & Demons is not a good movie if you actually watch movies for the story and not the stars and the action. At least the acting is good, and the scenes are pretty, but if you must watch it, just fast forward and watch the McGregor scenes because he is too cute and clean cut for this movie to truly deserve him.