“All of Us Strangers” (2023) is the second film adaptation of Taichi Yamada’s “Strangers.” Nobuhiko Obayashi directed, and Shin’ichi Ichikawa wrote the first adaptation, “The Discarnates” (1988). Screenwriter Adam (Andrew Scott) suffers from writer’s block in his luxurious, but sparsely occupied building in London. After he declines advances from his neighbor Harry (Paul Mescal), he decides to shake up his routine and revisit his childhood neighborhood. He sees his Dad (Jamie Bell) and accepts his father’s enthusiastic invitation to go home. His Mum (Claire Foy) is initially hesitant but is also thrilled to see Adam. The visit reinvigorates Adam. He reciprocates Harry’s interest and resumes writing. There is only one catch. Adam’s parents died when he was twelve.
“All of Us Strangers” is not the kind of film that prioritizes exploring how an adult Adam can spend time with his long-deceased parents, who are the same age as they were when they died on Christmas, but centralizes the wistful, melancholic emotions which would stir up if it was possible to have a second chance with people that you love thus freeing Adam to live a full life free from the wounds of the past. It also tackles how a second chance could inflict fresh wounds for everyone.
Director Andrew Haigh takes the wish fulfillment of having a second chance and takes the rose-colored glasses off. Adam is no longer a child dependent on his parents, but an adult who has lived longer than them in a different era—a very thorny predicament considering that Adam is gay, and his parents came from a time when open derision of gay people was more acceptable. Adam’s euphoria is only dimmed as he relives and experiences for the first time how they fell short in their acceptance of him. The nuanced reckoning of a second chance makes this film brilliant because experiencing a surreal moment does not erase the flaws of being human, and it rejects healing as minimalizing or treating time as an apology.
Claire Foy as Mum is the most furtive when Adam arrives, deciding between withdrawing or grabbing her son. It is a great performance as the conflicting emotions battle on her face. She faces the most challenge in adjusting. Jamie Bell soars as Dad, a man more prepared to jettison his homophobia, confess his shortcomings and embrace his son. Anyone would want this open man to be their dad even with all the bumps in the road. Adam’s parents’ reaction time may differ, but they seize the opportunity to work through their issues and confront the choice: savor a moment with your son or hold on to your sensibilities. It is a no brainer decision that most people fumble their entire lives.
Director Andrew Haigh, who is best known for his HBO series “Looking,” made two amazing films, “Weekend” (2011) and “45 Years” (2015), which you should check out if you like this film. Haigh and Scott pair up to create a nuanced portrait of Adam, a man in malaise with the potential to become a late bloomer, but first he must escape the attraction of living in the warm, safe comfort of his parents. The inner child work and reaching the final phase of mourning are depicted on every level of “All of Us Strangers.” Costume designer Sarah Blenkinsop dresses Adam in clothes that gradually seem more suitable for a child. Adam may still be a grown man, but when he enters his childhood home, he toggles between reverting back to his childhood self, sometimes literally when he glimpses himself in reflective surfaces or Haigh gives viewers a glimpse of the Polaroid family portrait taken. The most evocative and Freudian scene unfolds in his parents’ bed when Adam spends the night, and he sleeps in between them simultaneously reliving his last night with them and reminiscing with his mother as his welcoming father dozes. The scene gradually shifts until Harry replaces his father then ending with Adam alone in the bed. Adam must choose between the his parents or Harry or be alone. He cannot have both-live in the past and live fully in the present. It is not fair.
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“All of Us Strangers” is “Jacob’s Ladder” (1990) with love instead of horror. I debated about the logistics of the story. My initial theories were that Adam was a writer with a vivid imagination, or he was dead or dying. I incorrectly thought that Harry had died earlier, and Adam and Harry had a relationship which they forgot about in the afterlife, but by tackling his issues with his parents, he was finally able to accept what happened to Harry. Overshot the last point.
I loved the supernatural element because it was life amplified. My theory is that Harry died first of alcohol poisoning then Adam died in a fire. It does not matter. Adam was stuck in a kind of purgatory before and after death. His parents’ death froze him into the psychological state of being a boy and moving to Dublin made him repress parts of himself so he would not continue to be tormented for his sexual orientation.
I loved that as a child, he ran away from home and was always trying to reach the train. As an adult, he runs away to home in the same manner. He is really running away from himself. In life and death, these apartments are like tombs or cells of isolation. By resuming his life with his parents, he could finally move forward and let them go. On some level, mortality takes away Adam’s inhibitions and frees him to take more chances in love with Harry. In death, people get a second chance to love completely and not be alone. Love conquers death through the visual metaphor of light. The blinding sunrise in the opening, the warm pulsing light in almost every scene and the warm neon red-tinted lights at the night club evoke love and feel as if it emits from each character’s soul.
“All of Us Strangers” is also a bleak movie because theoretically in life, it was possible for them to have this life, but no one did, and they died alone and sad. Children are strangers to their parents. Adam suffers from three wounds: feeling lonely among his loved ones, losing his parents, and having to hide and deny himself. On some level, to have friends, Adam had to hide his true self. Adam is in a double bind: protesting that being gay in a heteronormative world is fine then confessing to Harry that the heteronormative world won and did manage to stifle his identity, not just his sexual identity, but his pain.. Adam reveals that he feels exiled from his friends, who are heterosexual with children in the suburbs, while he stays behind in London. He has no interest in going to the suburbs to visit his friends, but his family so he can heal those wounds. He needs a place where he feels like himself or at least is no longer hiding a part of himself. Death becomes a chance to be honest about the wounds that hurt you and become a whole person.
A relationship with Harry is only possible once childhood issues are resolved and no longer restraining him from living fully. Once Adam’s parents finally achieve the ability to care about their son more than themselves—their beliefs, their desire to be with him—all of them could move on even if they did not want to. When Dad says, “Would you like to be in love with him?” and Adam just nods holding back tears, it is sublime perfection. Once they started to feel how they died, they were able to transition to the next plane. Mum’s final act is to teach Adam how to love—by helping Harry through the realization that they are dead, and Harry’s family was less loving than he thought. Through acceptance, Adam becomes the man that Harry needs so they can transition together and join a constellation of hope.
“All of Us Strangers” may be my favorite Christmas movie, especially for the way that it grapples with loss and the refreshing, realistic way that it explores imperfect, human second chances. It depicts the drawback of being in a loving family, having friends and success and living in a city yet being alone and exiled from oneself. It also models how to push through that exile to live fully by yourself and with others.
