Accidental Courtesy: Daryl Davis, Race & America should have been a better documentary, but like its subject, it can be repetitive then frustrating when asked to examine his work dispassionately and analytically in the greater context instead of on a personal level. It is about Daryl Davis, a musician, who decided to engage directly with various members of white supremacist groups and claims to have converted them away from hate. Has he or did he just become their one black friend, an exception to the rule, to soothe their conscience and show that they are not as bad as everyone would like them to be? Is he allowing himself to be used?
Theoretically there is something badass and very Jesus like to engage people on a human level, without fear, and lovingly try to get them to turn from their evil ways. On the other hand, even Jesus told the disciples to go out two by two, and if your message wasn’t accepted, to get the hell out of their and shake the dust from your feet. The problem that both Davis and Accidental Courtesy have is a lack of an objective perspective on whether or not Davis’ work has produced fruits. He claims that he collects paraphernalia from former members of hate groups to show that they have changed, but even a cursory examination by Wikipedia, Southern Poverty Law Center and a few people affiliated with a Black Lives Matter chapter basically debunks his claims. His results are mainly anecdotal and personal. If he feels as if he has made a friend and feels welcome, then he thinks that the person has changed, but after this documentary was made, one of his friends appeared at the Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville that culminated in the murder of Heather Heyer. Only God knows a person’s heart. Maybe Davis has been successful, and whoever saves one life saves the world entire.
The nadir of Accidental Courtesy and Davis is when he meets with three people affiliated with a Black Lives Matter chapter. Most people don’t get that each chapter is incredibly different, and one person or even a group can’t be a spokesperson per se, but I felt as if the documentary, intentionally or inadvertently, was equating it with the white supremacist organizations that Davis meets, which even as not camera ready as these three were, is a false equivalency due to power inequities and if one literally compares their actions. A tongue-lashing is never as bad as brandishing a weapon and threatening someone or worse with it although extrajudicial executions indicate otherwise. This meeting was awful to watch, and no one comes out looking good. Each person has a point, and each person says something cringe worthy or completely wrong. It is like when a person discovers a new concept and is confident that they know it so no one can correct them, but they’re off the mark enough to not only be obvious, but actual damage the original meaning for anyone unfamiliar with it. Davis and the three men from the Black Lives Matter chapter probably inflict this damage on each other, and none of them got anything but pain from this meeting. It is a missed opportunity because both sides could have benefited from meeting with the other. They could have learned about the value of voting and participating in the process and engaging in history instead of falling for the Russian interference okey doke (Accidental Courtesy was filmed around 2016 Presidential election). Davis could have learned that he does not have to devote his entire life to people that don’t want to be saved.
Davis’ demeanor in this interview compared and contrasted with his meeting with self-professed white supremacists is not conciliatory or polite. He calls them “uneducated,” “dropout” and “nothing but ignorant,” terms that may or may not be applicable to them, but also could be applicable to the self-professed white supremacists that he regularly meets, but he never treats them that way. He was less respectful to them for reasons that we don’t know. Is it because he knows that they won’t kill him? Is it because they’re black and younger so he feels they should defer to him? Is it ego because he feels as if he has to defend himself and his life’s work? Does he feel defensive because there are more of them, and he is alone whereas he seems to usually meet with the self-professed white supremacist individually? Is something else going on?
A friend told me something that completely changed the way that I think about being a person of color, specifically black, in America. We can’t be the doctor and the patient yet immediately after suffering from any harm, we are expected to immediately be ready to forgive, reassure people so they don’t feel guilty, prove that we didn’t deserve it or that it was related to racism then give a power point presentation to instruct others. It is a response cultivated out of self-preservation in deference to white supremacy. We live not like human beings, but constantly aware that whether or not we want it, there is a white audience, and we hope that our actions will have some affect and save us in the future, but after 2016, I think that we need to do what Jesus would do, stop evangelizing, shake the dust from our feet and move on.
The best analogy that I can make is evangelizing about Jesus to an unbeliever. I know that you’re enthusiastic, and you mean well. You have experienced something awesome, and you want to share it, but have you noticed that for years, you have been explaining the same concept over and over, but it never sticks. They said no, and you never noticed. They don’t care. It isn’t lack of capacity. If all of us could watch Game of Thrones, learn about the history, different lands and culture, then guess what should be just as easy? Bible stories. Guess what is even easier? The less than two hundred fifty year history of our own country! People don’t even remember things that happened a few years ago, and it isn’t always lack of opportunity, capacity or resources. Sometimes they don’t care.
Davis’ definition of friendship is distorted. He expects too little. Why do people think that it is sufficient that people are willing to eat with you, listen to music with you or sleep with you? Those conditions existed when slavery was legal. That is easy. Real friendship exists when times are hard. Your friends should care about your pain more than you do and remember every wound inflicted upon you. Real friendship is fierce. I feel sorry for him, and we do a disservice to our friends and ourselves if they never experience such genuine relatuionships.
Accidental Courtesy reminded me of The Color of Fear, a documentary that filmed a dialogue among American men: two African American, two Latino, two Asian American and two Caucasian men. I’m not sure if I saw the entire documentary, but I walked away, initially encouraged, then later discouraged. It took seven men basically laying their personal lives in front of a prejudiced stranger for him to take a step back, admit that he is wrong and reveal that the cause of his bias was an abusive father. So pre-2016 me said, “Hurrah. It is possible to eliminate bias.” Post 2016 me thinks about the other seven men who had to stop their lives just to convert one guy from being evil when they didn’t cause the problem, wonders if it actually stuck beyond the filming and asks whom he voted for in 2016. So to maybe stop evil, every person of color and one Caucasian person would have to work full time for free on these panels to convince one person in pain. I actually know someone who professionally does implicit bias, anti-racism training, and even this person, a pastor with a gentle spirit, at the end of the day, feels worn out by it and used.
We don’t solely exist to make trash people better. We don’t exist to be consumed. White supremacy believes that we must stop everything and serve others, not just live, and brainwashes us to value and seek out the company of the worst of one race more than the better, but still wouldn’t voluntarily hang out with these folks of our own. Even if you feel called to such service, remember that even Jesus took no for an answer and shook the dust off his feet. Accidental Courtesy is an inadvertent cautionary tale for us to look in our own hearts to determine why we seek to eliminate evil and confront whether or not we are actually succeeding. You can quit.