I dodged a bullet by not paying to see 5 Flights Up in the theaters. Phew. 5 Flights Up wants to be Love is Strange, but doesn’t even touch the hem of its garment. I still watched 5 Flights Up because it seemed similar enough to Love Is Strange to be vaguely satisfying. Instead 5 Flights Up is vaguely exploitative on several different levels, pulls all the punches and nothing happens in a bad way. 5 Flights Up wasted my time by giving its audience silly platitudes that ignore the realities of life.
I like Diane Keaton and Morgan Freeman, but not enough to like their characters. The husband is ornery in a way that is supposed to be endearing because he is asserting his independence in a world that can push around and exploit the elderly. Sorry, I don’t buy it. He whined about his work, but clearly he is wealthy enough to afford vet bills and buy an apartment in MANHATTAN so no one feels bad for you. The wife is pleasant and bemused by all manner of rudeness except with her friends/business associate because she feels like she is defending her husband’s artistic integrity. I’m sorry-what makes you a unique, real individual other than you have a niece, you stood up to your racist mom and you wanted babies. You were a teacher. Got it!
Also what kind of human being is able to function if your pet is in the hospital???? I can barely function after my cats get groomed. And thanks for insulting your niece and wasting her time, you impulsive pieces of crap. You’re getting old. You’re going to die. Face it instead of saying everything is going to be fine and using the dog as a metaphor, 5 Flights Up! Don’t get me started on the awful terrorist threat background thread. I’m offended on behalf of NYC, Muslims, immigrants, etc. 5 Flights Up wasn’t as bad as I’m making it sound, but if you’re expecting Love Is Strange instead of a CBS Sunday night movie, 5 Flights Up will make you annoyed too. Skip it!