This Will Be My Undoing: Living at the Intersection of Black, Female, and Feminist in (White) America

I’m not sure how Morgan Jenkins’ This Will Be My Undoing: Living at the Intersection of Black, Female, and Feminist in (White) America ended up on my radar. I think that the matrix recommended it because of my interest in a book that I read, but I don’t really remember. Plus a thumbs up from Roxane Gay is enough for me to give it a chance.
This Will Be My Undoing is a book of essays that feel like they were written at different times because each essay repeats a detail from a previous essay. Jenkins transforms the personal into the academic as an entry point to explore intersectional concepts on the broader stage. Sometimes the transition from the personal to the academic is abrupt, but the thematic relationship gradually becomes clearer as Jenkins elaborates on her point.
Even though This Will Be My Undoing is a quick read, it is a depressing one with flashes of triumph. The academic segways jarred me from the memoir component of her essays, which are intensely personal and often uncomfortable to read. I wanted to create a time machine because I felt so bad for her. While her life is objectively better than mine in many ways, the psychological pain inflicted upon her felt way more intense than my own even though we occupy similar spaces.
My favorite essay in This Will Be My Undoing is titled, “Human, Not Black.” She describes how people give dubious compliments by saying that they see her as a human being, not a black woman, “blackness only exists as a punishment. They do not understand that blackness doesn’t undermine but rather vivifies our humanity.” At times, her experiences seem like a bellwether, especially her encounters in Russia with skinheads.
This Will Be My Undoing definitely provides a perspective that is more thoughtful, challenging and incisive than the echo chamber that I normally occupy, which may not be a pleasure to consume, but can lead to deeper reflection. I don’t think that it is a good idea to read it if you are already in a bad place. On the other hand, now that we live in a dystopian society, reading it earlier rather than waiting for things to get better may mean waiting an eternity. I can’t heartily recommend it, but as her writing style becomes less segmented, I predict that she will be a much needed critical voice.