The universe threw Ali Wong’s Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets & Advice for Living Your Best Life at me, said “read this” and walked away. It is not that I did not want to read her book. I just had not planned on reading it right away, but the library just decided to unfreeze it from my list and tell me to pick it up although I did not lift a finger to make it happen. I rarely say no to a book, and it was perfect pandemic reading.
I have never seen Wong’s standup her acts are in my queue. The law requires that I see Always Be My Maybe because Keanu Reeves is in it as her boyfriend, and that clip has me roaring. I heard about her book when she appeared on The Daily Show to promote it. (The Daily Show is my version of an infomercial.) The only reason that I have not checked out Wong’s work sooner is not from lack of interest, but lack of focus and time. There is so much great content to choose from. Unfortunately I will not be able to warn you whether or not the material in her book will feel as if it is a recap of her comedy routines, but I can tell you that I loved it and could not put it down, which is rare high praise so I probably will prioritize her Netflix specials and movies. I could not choose between two books and for the first time ever, actually read two books concurrently. Wong’s book was one of those books.
Dear Girls is an intimate, irreverent, bawdy memoir disguised as a letter to her daughters. It is thematically arranged and mostly delves into her family, love life, career and motherhood. Considering how many Americans love scatological humor, no wonder women are conditioned to treat certain subjects as taboo otherwise they would dominate the humor market, especially after having children. Wong has no shame, and I mean that in the best way possible. If you cannot handle bodily fluids and sexual situations, this book is probably not for you, but you also probably need to loosen up because Wong opens a window into common human experiences without becoming clinical or without seeming as if it is a self-help, empowering book. Wong’s individual experience of balancing her physical needs with practical realities and driving ambition and intellect. The mind cannot be divorced from the body, but if you find such subjects vulgar, do not bother with Wong’s masterpiece. I am personally conservative, which is why I actually enjoy someone who is the opposite. What is the point of reading about a life that you already know? I love how she compares and contrasts her imagination of what life would be with the reality. It is always messier.
I will watch an alleged comedy and sit steely eyed in front of the screen while humorlessly mumbling, “That was funny,” whereas I was actually laughing out loud uncontrollably while reading about Wong’s dad’s funeral, which was probably one of the most painful points in her life! Wong’s writing style in Dear Girls is cinematic in the way that we can instantly visualize the situation. Like any good writer, Wong uses language to create a time machine so each of us can visit her past and feel as if we are experiencing it with her. Each of the real life people that she depicts in her book speak with their own unique voice and do not resemble carbon copies of Wong. It makes the book feel like a love letter to them as much as a future letter to her adult daughters.
In spite of her frankness and honesty, Dear Girls is clearly a cleverly crafted book. She casually mentions fairly early in the book that she signed a prenup, which grabbed my attention, and I wanted to know more about that. She spins the yarn as a powerful motivator, and she is clearly in a loving, supportive relationship, but I would have loved if Wong delved into the moment when she presumably heard her husband pop that question and signing the agreement. It would have provided a less cynical outlook on a topic that is fraught with mistrust and illustrated the fact that it could lead to a positive result. Wong basically said that her husband has veto power if he is the subject of her work so either she did not think that it was a topic worth exploring, or she did, but he nixed it.
Dear Girls is really relatable because while most of us will never experience Wong’s success or interest in alternative medicine, we can relate to her experience as a woman trying to balance traditional and innovative roles, as an American child of immigrants embracing her ethnicity and roots but not isolating herself from the mainstream majority and as an Asian person not allowing her Vietnamese roots get smothered by her Chinese roots. Especially in the US, it is important to bring out the different textures in the Asian community instead of treating the classification of being Asian as if it is a monolith.
If you are a comedian, you will probably get more out of Dear Girls and appreciate a brief kiss and tell moment in the book, but considering that it was a serious relationship and not a fling, do not bother looking for prurient details. If you are looking for practical advice on weddings, having babies and juggling life, Dear Girls provides it. Her basic lesson is to do less so you can enjoy life more. Don’t be a martyr.
Wong’s husband wrote the last chapter in Dear Girls, and he literally writes it as if it is a letter to his daughters, which means it takes some adjustment to figure out whom he is talking about when he refers to an uncle or their mother (his brother and wife respectively). If you want to know if you met the right man, ask him to write a letter to your future children about you. Maybe it is unfair to make such a demand because not everyone is a great writer or thoughtful, but could still have a depth of feeling and respect for their future bride, but you get the idea. My favorite part of his chapter is how he parallels his wife with his father and himself with his mother. It is one of those rare, unexpected, genuine moments that make you happy to be alive. He could get a second career writing scripts for Bollywood movies who have been trying to get men to act right so their wives could live their best lives.
I highly recommend Dear Girls. It is a quick, funny and personal memoir that would make the Wife of Bath smile. On the other hand, if you plan on clutching your pearls in shock and horror for an audience of zero who does not really care how disgusting you find her humor, you should probably save your outrage for something a bit more high profile than a comedian who while famous, is not yet a household name.