Trigger warning: do not watch “The Father” (2020) if you are unprepared to be completely gutted and devastated. Side effects may include life altering change in perspective and emerging fear of aging in the US. Director Florian Zeller made his directorial debut and cowrote the adaptation of his play, “Le Pere” (2012), which is part of a trilogy, “The Mother” (2010 ) and “Le Fils” (2018), translated as The Son—the film adaptation is coming out later this month. Octogenarian Anthony (Anthony Hopkins) rejects his daughter’s attempts at hiring caretakers so he can stay in a gorgeous flat. Over the course of the movie, different people claim to be Anne (Olivia Colman), her significant other or his caretaker. Anthony is suspicious, but what if his mind is betraying him?
“The Father” does a brilliant job of immersing us in the experience of someone who suffers dementia or caring for a person with dementia. Florian let the actors and set design replace much of the dialogue to depict his deterioration. The apartment gradually changes—objects change locations; Anthony keeps losing his watch; and time shifts with people appearing and disappearing. The apartment’s function also changes. It transmogrifies into a doctor’s office or a hospital as if the doors are like wormholes to other places. The film is not surreal for its own sake, but serves a purpose—for viewers to step into Anthony’s shoes and understand what it feels like to be disoriented and have no control. By the end of the film, you should be able to comprehend Anthony and Anne’s entire story, but you will have to pay close attention. No multitasking and leave the smart phones in another room.
How did Florian capture the dialogue? “The Father” is perfect and exactly how people in these situations talk. Anthony is an unlikable character. He is stubborn but can be charming to lure unsuspecting people into an ambush of nastiness to assert his independence and push people from him. “I don’t need anyone.” His early interactions with Anne are cruel, and it makes sense that Anne cannot care for him single-handedly. He projects his flaws onto her, reveals a disdain for her mother and prefers her sister. His actions set him on the exact destination that he never wanted—exiled from the only place that he considers home. He rejects Anne and depends on her like a mother figure. By the end of “The Father,” Hopkins transforms into a visibly vulnerable man lost in a jumbled mix of memories with no anchor in any person, time or place. There are two hard scenes to watch: a scene of physical abuse and the final scene where apparently Hopkins’ performance was so good he emotionally destroyed his coworkers’ composure. “Who exactly am I?” These are not baby actors easily impressed. These are veterans at the top of their game being blown away by Hopkins’ magnificence. I never forgot that Hopkins critiqued taking method acting too far because when he is acting, his body does not know it. What kind of toll did this performance take on his body?
Colman and the rest of the cast are superb actors if they can be in a room with Hopkins and not evaporate from memory. Colman plays Anne, Anthony’s devoted daughter. Her wide eyes and physical demeanor drinks in every detail of her father. She crumbles into tears when he ditches his paternalistic role and vows to outlive her, a boomerang curse, and brightens at his compliment. When Anne decides to choose herself over her father, it never seems selfish. Anne reacts as if Anthony’s bad behavior reflects her failings. After her significant other is introduced, Florian leaves us wondering if she just jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire by hitching a wagon to a man so disconnected.
If “The Father” has a villain other than death and human frailty, it is Paul, Anne’s boyfriend. While it is understandable to be frustrated over sharing space with someone as antagonistic as Anthony, especially if unrelated and being a caretaker is not your calling, Paul treating Anne’s sense of duty as a competition is a red flag. He knows that Anthony will not be able to articulate their exchanges, and even if Anthony could, it would be dismissed because Anthony is the elderly man who cried wolf. He makes Anne’s life more difficult by riling Anthony up and leaving Anthony with a vague suspicion of men. While I would not expect him to help, though trying would be a green flag, someone who truly loved Anne would not want her life to be more difficult. While the depiction of their dynamic is filtered through Anthony’s dementia, the scenes from Anne’s perspective are not much better. Anne deserves better.
The most ambiguous character is Laura (Imogen Poots). She seems like the latest in a long line of women hired to care for Anthony. He puts on his best face for her, but as he gets to know her, he recovers a lost memory, which puts him on a downward slide that he never bounces back from. Each time that he favors Laura, it breaks Anne’s heart because Laura gets the best part of him. Laura is not immune to Anthony’s nastiness, and she is not perfect either. She unintentionally infantilizes him, and he sets a boundary. Laura normalizes Anne’s experience, which makes her feel less alone.
When I decided to watch “The Father” to prepare to see “The Son” (2023), I did not expect to be so moved and am surprised that no one warned me not to watch this film. Because the apartment is so beautiful, these characters have the finances to afford proper care for Anthony, and it takes place in a country where health care is available, I did not expect to relate to the characters, but I did, down to the detail of the dead sibling that no one talks about. The movie is eerily accurate in how time works for a person with dementia, and how an adult child becomes “mommy,” which is weird, disconcerting and understandable as someone who has been on the receiving end of that delusion.
“The Father” changed my life. I live on the tightrope of wondering if my mother is messing with me or genuinely forgetting something because I do remember more and some behaviors are similar to toxic ones that she had in the past. I also know that she is losing huge swaths of time, but the final scenes are a great reminder that even at their worst, they are being pulled backwards and are afraid. So one night when she thought someone was in her dark room, instead of telling her that no one was in there, I went in, sat beside her on the bed and asked her questions so she could show me where the person was until she figured out that they were shadows and laughed. I may not always be able to rise to the occasion, but at least I know how.
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Here is my interpretation of “The Father.” Colman really played Anne. Anne used to visit her dad at his nearby flat then moved him into her home with her husband, which may have led to the dissolution of her marriage. When she gets a second chance at love (not), she decides to go for it. She deserves her own life, and her dad is not functional anyway. She tries to get caretakers during work hours, but after Paul exacerbates Anthony’s condition, which was a short walk, Anne puts Anthony in a nursing home. Olivia Williams, whom I loved in “Dollhouse,” is Catherine, his nurse at the nursing home, and when Anthony sees her as Laura, he has not accepted his new reality. Bill (Mark Gatniss, who used every free moment on set to sit at Hopkins feet because duh) is her coworker, and Anthony sees him as Paul (Rufus Sewell, and if you are familiar with his casting, you know that he is bad news) for the same reasons that he sees Catherine as Laura.
If I had an issue with “The Father,” it was the fact that I never found out what Anne did for a living. Her manner outside was completely different from at home. The following were wants, but not needs. I wanted to know how she met Paul and more about him. What was waiting for them in Paris? How is she doing? I don’t think that they will make it.
How was a nurse able to give individual care to one patient? The ratio is usually unreasonable. If people with money and resources can end up in such a bleak situation, the rest of us do not stand a chance.
