Ophelia is a cinematic adaptation of a novel that takes the character from Hamlet, my favorite Shakespeare play, and the concept from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead, but apply it to the titular character in this reimagining of the play from her perspective. It is a great idea, and I was tempted to see it in theaters, but the theaters were disproportionately further away than my eagerness to see it. Daisy Ridley, Star Wars’ Rey, stars in it.

I watch too many movies so Ophelia’s story reminded me of a mash up of The Young Messiah and one of the stories in Tale of Tales. In The Young Messiah, the writer basically took all the Jesus stories from the Bible and apocrypha then shifted them to occur at a younger age. In this movie, the story takes elements from other Shakespeare plays to flesh out the plot and Ophelia’s character. While it makes sense, it also feels like cheating, but maybe I am just difficult to please. If we lift Ophelia from Hamlet, then the movie will be closer to Tess of the D’Ubervilles, and I would have hated it, but this film course corrects so much in the other direction to eliminate all negative characteristics and amplifies the positive that it feels as if it has made Ophelia into an entirely different person, a clever heroine, not just an ordinary girl.

I was expecting that a movie about Ophelia would be more quotidian, a young woman in a court who would not always be in the center of the action and just witnessing what normal life would be for someone at that time and place—a period piece for the every person. It could be as simple as falling in love, dealing with the loss of her father and being alone in an inhospitable atmosphere and humiliation on a crazy political stage. The themes really could have reached a young adult audience by wrestling with the uncomfortable parts of her story to bring out the issues that teenagers face today. Sure, it would have reeked of After School Special, but it is the story of Ophelia. If I had not recently finished watching Game of Thrones, I would probably be less sensitive to viewers who favor the girl who is a tom boy, but ridicules girls who embrace gender norms. Is it a form of misogyny to ridicule girls and boys who prefer the feminine? All the stories about young ladies do not have to be optimistic or plucky. I wanted to see a tragedy tackled from a girl’s perspective-not sword fights, but psychological wrestling and other forms of warfare that girls usually engage in. If it was really her story, she would not spend the majority of the time observing other people, but caught up in her own drama. I will not be reading the novel.

Visually Ophelia told the story perfectly, and it is quite lush. Director Claire McCarthy definitely drew inspiration from John William Waterhouse and John Everett Millais’ paintings by embracing the aesthetic of the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood. It is a sumptuous, lush, verdant period piece, but eagle-eyed viewers will notice the subtle change in lighting and the growing oppressiveness as Claudius takes control. The story shows that the court becomes a place increasingly hostile to women, an implicit threat of sexual violence which is thankfully never depicted. I buy that women are the canary in the coal mine, but it is also a cheap, gendered trick that a story about a young woman has to have rape as a sword of Damocles constantly hanging over her head.

Ophelia’s cast is strong, but I must confess that I am beginning to worry about Clive Owen’s career. Is he ever in good movies anymore? Why did they put that wig on his beautiful head? Did they want to insure that we would hate him by not making him too attractive. In other superficial news, I wished that Hamlet was hotter—no offense to George MacKay, but Devon Terrell, who played Hamlet’s bestie Horatio, was scorching and a gentleman. If we are going to change everything, let’s make everyone wrong and have Ophelia hooking up with Horatio. It is another case of having your cake and eating it too—she is not like the other girls, but she is going to get the prince! Naomi Watts stole the entire movie and showed that she is more than just Nicole Kidman’s little sister.

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Ophelia actually had a great story except the entire focus of the story and title would have to change yet again. In this movie, Ophelia gets a class disparity storyline so Gertrude can feel some sort of kinship with her because apparently neither of them are of noble birth, but that storyline mostly evaporates. When Ophelia is an adult and reading to Gertrude, Gertrude says something to the effect, “I did not know you could read,” but um, you were her substitute mother allegedly all these years? How? Who are these people? She despises her seconds later because she is pretty. Eyeroll. May I please get out of the girl ghetto in a story that is allegedly supposed to promote women empowerment? No.

Initially I was not into Gertrude because once again, she was the personification of a gendered, disappointing “Who is the fairest of them all” trope bandied around in Mary Queen of Scots. Can we stop making stories about royalty like fairy tales? Apparently the answer is no. Her son calls her old, and instead of cursing him out and slapping him upside his head, she has an affair with Claudius. It is later revealed that Gertrude’s life is the most interesting of anyone in the palace. She has a twin sister!

Naomi Watts played Gertrude AND Mechtild, who is not a character in Hamlet. We discover that Claudius had an affair with Mechtild long before the events of this story and called her a witch when she miscarried (so a pro life Republican). Mechtild had to fake her death to escape execution, but secretly helped her sister out. I do not know HOW Gertrude could have missed it, but sisters before misters. It makes Gertrude retroactively stupider or meaner for falling for Claudius.

Instead of Ophelia, a movie about the sisters as adults would have been amazing, especially since the movie gets downright riveting when Mechtild joins up with the Norwegians then storms the castle. Mechtild’s story has more organic momentum. I am completely here for a supernatural, historical period piece where Mechtild basically has had enough with Claudius ruining everything and finally getting her revenge. If we are going to borrow, let’s stop taking from Romeo & Juliet and take from Macbeth’s witches! I am not especially attached to the idea of whether or not Gertrude finally joins forces with her sister or not, but the movie has Gertrude kill Claudius with a sword, which was cool. Watts impressed me by convincingly playing two roles and was the best part of the movie.

Instead I get an allegedly happy ending because Ophelia lives and is pregnant so Hamlet’s spirit lives on. Ew! No. Hate! So once again, a woman’s highest purpose is to have a baby of the guy who is not the main character.