Welcome Home is a movie starring Aaron Paul, whom I have now never officially seen in a good movie, and Emily Ratajkowski as an American couple in the AirBNB from hell when they go to Italy for a vacation, but a stranger wedges himself between them. Will they reunite or let themselves fall victim to the stranger’s mysterious plan?
Welcome Home is the kind of movie that you instantly regret watching when you hit play. I felt as if the creative minds behind Red Shoe Diaries decided to change genres and make thrillers. I wanted Ratajkowski to ask Jessica Alba to mentor her. Her character takes so many showers. They initially seem like a picture perfect, happy couple, but the fact that when one initiates sexy times, the other ducks and swerves, switch roles and repeat, it does not take a relationship expert to know that there is trouble in paradise that a vacation cannot fix, am I right, pandemic couples? Get therapy before spending time alone together or else you are going to hate each other. Has The Amazing Race taught you nothing.
Instead of a therapist, out of necessity and politeness, they pick up a stranger who becomes all things to the half of the couple that he is with. With the boyfriend, he is the perfect drinking buddy and wingman who is happy to commiserate about these horrible bitches. With the girlfriend, he is always there when she needs him. I absolutely detest rape by deception plots, and Welcome Home dances too close to a few of those moments without going there.
Once the couple’s backstory is revealed, I was left asking if there was another off-screen rape story, i.e. lack of consent, being mistaken for infidelity, but fun fact, the couple was fighting BEFORE. Why are these people together if they make each other miserable? Why is the boyfriend trying to get back to the way things were if it was horrible? Why are you going to propose to a woman that you already do not trust and are insecure around? So you can lock her down and make her as unhappy as you are since you cannot bear the thought of her moving on and being happy?
I do not care how scary the stranger or creepy the scenario, you will not be invested in this couple staying together. After going through one hour and fourteen minutes of inane, trite crap that you have definitely seen before and was probably better when you did see it, the last twenty-three minutes of Welcome Home becomes bananas and turns awesome. I actually rewound it and rewatched it a couple of times. Did the denouement quite make the suffering that came before worth it? Maybe because I was so lulled into boredom with the characters that while I expected one plot twist, I did not expect the embarrassment of riches that was rapidly and incessantly bestowed upon the viewer as it neared the end.
Welcome Home reveals fairly early on that the home is filled with hidden cameras recording the guests, and that the stranger watches. I did not expect when or how this fact was going to be revealed. I did not expect the couple’s response, specifically one member of the partnership revealed oneself to be the MVP in emergencies. If the zombie apocalypse happened, call this person because this American went from normal and ordinary to delivering decisive blows in seconds with no time to process what is happening. The delicious part is that the hunter unwittingly and suddenly finds himself surrounded by danger because no one, including the couple, knew what they were capable of. Just when you think that it is over, there are two to three more reveals. By then I did not want the movie to end.
I am all for letting a movie simmer, establishing a routine and taking the time to introduce characters before letting all hell break loose, which is why I love John Carpenter, the maestro of the slow burn, but Welcome Home really never did that. It needed to show some of that last twenty-three minute energy earlier in the movie because trust that I cared more about these characters during the denouement than the longer time that came before. Maybe make a shorter, better movie. The runtime is ninety-seven minutes, but it was roughly seventy-four minutes too long.
Riccardo Scamarcio as the weird stranger in Welcome Home did nothing for me. He was the villain in John Wick: Chapter 2. A good villain should seem plausibly like a decent person so you do not think that your lead couple are as dumb as rocks. Maybe it is the director’s fault, but if you turn down my invitation because you prefer taking me by surprise and scaring me by popping up unexpectedly in my path, I am going to think that you are suspicious and enjoy eliciting that response from me. The only way that it is realistic was by making the couple from New York and unable to drive because it is an unfortunate truth that cabs are not readily available in most parts of the United States and the world so maybe you accept the ride because it is easier. I still would not, but maybe. Scamarcio screamed crazy as soon as he appeared.
Welcome Home is all about toxic masculinity and male anxiety so maybe guys will relate more to the overall plot about the boyfriend’s relationship issues. I really loved Midsommar, and Ari Aster did a superb job of making me understand the couple’s individual issues even when one was being a jerk, and I was never there for the relationship. This movie never really delves into the girlfriend’s character, why she is unhappy and why she is trying to make it work. For the entire film to work, I need to empathize with the couple as individuals and a unit, and I never was because I could not understand why they got together other than she is gorgeous, and he has money. They were not even two-dimensional.
I am unfamiliar with Ratajkowski and was ready to dismiss her after seeing Welcome Home, but she definitely deserves better than this step above soft core and has a lot of potential. I hope that filmmakers see her as more than a pretty face with a rocking body. Paul has presence. He has a great voice, but after seeing him in this film and Come and Find Me, he is unfortunately landing roles as the uninteresting protagonist. He keeps playing clichés, which speaks more to typecasting than his ability as an actor. I plan to watch Breaking Bad, but I was hoping to see him cook before that.
Welcome Home did not play in any theaters (thank God). It is a dreadful movie, but the last third held some Brian DePalma old school greatness and showed that everyone could do a better job. So why did not they do so sooner? Why should I complain? At least they are doing something, which is more than what most of us non-filmmakers could say. If you are a stoic person, maybe suffer through the movie (no fast-forwarding, you need to earn it) just to see the amazing final act.