I saw the preview for Ocean’s 8 and knew that I would see it then I heard a little girl correctly note out loud, “Mommy, isn’t stealing wrong?” Indeed it is so I correctly amended my interior resolution to seeing it at home. I love Sandra Bullock’s movies, and she is the personification of affable while simultaneously I suspect that she is savvy enough to keep any problematic elements of her life from messing up her money. Cate Blanchett is one of the greatest actors of our time, but she will occasionally trick me into watching a bad movie. Before standing with the #MeToo movement, Blanchett’s comments about Woody Allen were tone deaf and fell a skosh to the wrong side of the fence. I could wait and not get charmed out of my money plus the summer of 2018 had a plethora of great movies that I saw in the theater. It was not a priority.
Also I never watched the original Soderbergh Ocean’s trilogy starring George Clooney. I’m sure that I saw at least the first one because I generally watch any movie that Soderbergh directed, but I’m not into heist movies, remakes or movies with so many stars that I suspect hang out in real life. I feel as if I’m paying them to go on vacation together, and if I encourage this nonsense, I’ll get drowned in a sea of sequels. I’m not saying that I’m right, but it is how I operate, which is ultimately what cut me off from Adam Sandler movies when he started making Grown Ups because if it was about quality, I would have been gone a long time ago. Despite being a completist, I felt no urge to go back to it before or after seeing Ocean’s 8. I don’t think that this type of movie is my jam.
So how did Ocean’s 8 get my attention? The marketing worked. There are so few movies with a predominantly female cast, and this particular cast is filled with greats. Bullock is almost enough of a draw that you don’t need any additional big names. Blanchett is a thespian. Sarah Paulson is one of the most underrated, but notable character actors of our time. Helena Bonham Carter has been pumping out excellent memorable performances for decades. Rihanna is an icon, and don’t sleep on Battleship. Anne Hathaway, Mindy Kaling and Awkwafina are a lot more polarizing to viewers, but for those who like them, they are big names.
Ocean’s 8 features one more element that is like catnip to me: the Met Gala, which combines my love of fashion, my favorite city and my favorite museum, the Metropolitan Museum of New York. Just one of these factors would guarantee my interest, but all three made it harder to stay away from theaters than I anticipated. I’m glad that I stayed strong.
I liked Ocean’s 8, but it lost my interest long before it was over. I think that one hour fifty minutes was longer than necessary. As soon as the Met Gala ended, I mentally checked out. There was one plot twist that surprised me, but while I did not expect the rest, I was indifferent to the revelations. I had the opposite of the feeling that I had during the last of The Lord of the Rings trilogy. I did want it to end.
I’m normally not the person making this complaint, but Ocean’s 8 began to lose me when it felt as if Debbie Ocean, played by Bullock, and Lou, played by Blanchett, were more than just friends or business partners. They seemed as if they were attracted to each other. I think that the movie should have been bolder and written Ocean as bisexual and Lou as a lesbian. I kept thinking that they used to date. I know that it would have made the movie less appealing to mass audiences, but I kept seeing sexual tension in their performance, and it is normally the last thing that I notice.
Also I’ve already expressed that I’m sensitive to depictions of drug use in movies. Rihanna is featured smoking a blunt, which I am indifferent to, but the rest of the crew clutches their pearls in horror. Y’all are criminals. It made me retroactively madder at the prison release montage that illustrated how slick Ocean is. Google Bergdorf Goodman, black people and false accusations of shoplifting. Life ruins everything, and such 1970s Nixonian dog whistling about black people and marijuana use, intentional or not, combined with my lived experience as a New Yorker, who has fortunately never been personally affected but am always aware that I could be every time that I go shopping was a joy destroying combo for me.
Speaking of shoplifting, I thought it was an extreme gender normative move that the first thing that Ocean wanted to do when she left jail was return to her beauty regime. While I appreciate that the movie did not take the traditional route of a big meal and a lay, I began to consider what is the first thing that I would want after, God forbid, a long stint in the joint. A steak sounds pretty good, but I don’t wear makeup so maybe I’m not the target audience. Think about it, especially if you’re a woman. What is the first thing that you would do?
I know that Ocean is the mastermind (mistressmind—don’t worry, I’m just playing) of this operation, but I wondered if from a logistical point of view (not an ego or cinematic point of view) it was a good idea that she was present on the night of the heist, even with the alibi. I know that the writers made it work, but by then, I was too rooted in the real world to suspend my disbelief. I’m sorry but the theme of this review is that I’m a party pooper.
No shade intended to Richard Armitage, who is a solid actor (Hannibal), but he is usually a sign of a lower grade movie (The Hobbit trilogy, Alice Through the Looking Glass, Pilgrimage, Into the Storm) so his presence made me reflexively and instinctually rate it lower than I normally would. Is that fair? No. Shrug. I did what I did. Talent attracted me, and talent repelled me.
Ocean’s 8 is an entertaining diversion if you enjoy anyone in the cast, but it is a little long and lacks a certain je ne sais quoi. It just wasn’t for me, but I would not run screaming from the room if it came on. The repartee is satisfying. Visually it is gorgeous. I just wasn’t particularly invested in the mission statement. I would watch a sequel….at home.