Desiree Akhavan wrote, directed and starred as Shirin in Appropriate Behavior, her first and sadly only feature length film to date, about a Persian bisexual heartbroken woman trying to find her personal and professional footing. She may share the same space and live in the same world as The Incredible Jessica James, but has none of that titular character’s confidence. She is more of a soul sister to The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl and The Big Sick in terms of how she defines herself in relation to other people, but ends on a more uncertain note as to what her future holds. Unlike those other films, she hasn’t quite nailed down the rhythm of her narrative or her life, but what she lacks in smooth delivery, she more than makes up in terms of three dimensional characters and perfect vignettes that blend equal parts hilarity and despair.
Appropriate Behavior is sexually provocative from the moment it starts so if that is a turn off, you should probably run now and read no further. I watch a lot of movies and TV shows, but I can’t recall many bisexual characters. I vaguely can summon the stereotype of a hot to trot, highly sexualized and cis gender norm conforming person always turned on by the presence of another who is a smooth operator. What is appealing about Shirin is that her foremost characteristic is her awkwardness with her family, her friends, her roommates, her employers and her romantic interests. The person who has the utmost confidence in her and appreciates what she offers when she corrects his mistaken impressions of her cannot even remember her name. I liked that she had a good, female friend, and there was no sexual tension with them. Her interaction with her students was hilarious.
I loved her relationship with her family. The contrast with who they are with how she describes them is delightful and feels authentic. They have an offbeat, sophisticated banter and shorthand manner that is simultaneously needling and loving. The scenes when the siblings venting about each other to anyone but each other are perfect. When the media offers images of Middle Eastern families, they rarely show the reality that most of us have experienced: highly educated, middle to upper middle class families who are just being normal, not discussing religion or international politics. They judge those that she surrounds herself with because they don’t measure up in terms of socioeconomic standards and wonder why she is slumming it. In Brooklyn, Shirin is extremely feminine, but with her family, she is the dowdiest one.
Appropriate Behavior captures a particular brand of East Coast whiteness without becoming a Portlandia skit: the food coop manager, the artsy fartsy roommates, the openly high dad, the teacher of precocious Park Slope kids, the dyke knitting circle attendee, the criminal justice awareness circle, the retail therapist. She chooses their world because she can be messy in it, but can rarely fully relax without fear of coming up short of the image that they expect and who she is. Her central focus is her memories of her ex-girlfriend, Maxine, which are littered throughout the film not in chronological order, but as a tangential segway to conversations that she has with others: her friend pointing out how Maxine was not sexually interested in her, her dad unpacking books that Maxine bought for her, her discussing how people meet, her reception of a pep talk, her first post break up sexual encounter, passing a familiar bar, and shopping excursions.
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Shirin wants too little for herself and is delusional when it comes to Maxine. She constantly minimizes the warning signs and is shameless. I need her to regularly meet with the bra saleslady. “Sounds like Maxine was destructive to your panties and your self esteem.” I’m glad that she and Maxine broke up. Maxine sucked. Maxine looked down on Shirin, treated her as a fixer upper and projected her own inadequacy issues on Shirin. Maxine hates Shirin’s sexuality and wants her to pick a side. She does not just want Shirin to be a lesbian. She wants her to be a particular type of lesbian who reads certain things and only associates with certain people. Maxine’s derision of drag queens is reminiscent of LG disdain of the BTQ as not serious enough and threatening their respectability. Shirin is a little shallow in comparison to most of the people that she interacts with, but she never hides it or apologizes for it. Shirin likes Twilight and Sex and the City. “What am I good at?” “What are you good at?”
I was really annoyed by Maxine. She knows what it is like for a significant other to stick you as the sole person on the lease then does the equivalent to Shirin. She makes fun of Shirin’s sexuality then makes out with a guy. She was insensitive to Shirin’s cultural issues, which Shirin is open about. The “Persian card” is pretty darn close to the “race card,” and people don’t play it, they live it yet she correctly rejects Shirin’s dismissal of her childhood trauma. She yucks Shirin’s yums and is kind of rude to Shirin’s friend, which Shirin later reciprocates. I was sympathetic with her after they broke up because she was basically a victim of stalking.
I was so relieved that the movie did not end with Shirin finding the right one as a solution to her problems. Instead she hits rock bottom literally and decides to work with it. I am concerned that there is an implicit promise that they may get back together. Nooooooo! You are not right for each other. You make each other into the worst version of the other. I’m hoping that it was actually a wistful, acceptance of the end. To be fair, Shirin’s other romantic attempts are complete disasters even when they initially seem promising. I need an adult to explain to me what happened in the ménage a trois. She laughs when the husband mentions his latex outfit, and he goes from initially flirty and interested to completely cold, vaguely hostile and uncomfortable with each other. She behaved similarly with the law professor earlier and is clearly more into the wife than the husband, but I suspect that in addition to the minor dig that sparked an insecurity in him and being more attracted to one over the other, she accidentally triggered a preexisting relationship landmine of issues that he has with his open relationship. Everyone seems stuck in their own head and incapable of truly enjoying the moment. Why is everyone trying so hard?
Shirin suffers from comparing herself to others and always falling short if she uses other people’s standards. Once she stops trying to be something else, just gets comfortable being messy and appreciates others then meets them where they are, the mood shifts and becomes hopeful even if she is still judged and falls short. I hope that Shirin is well.