Without You, There Is No Us: My Time with the Sons of North Korea Elite: A Memoir

I heard about Without You, There Is No Us: My Time with the Sons of North Korea Elite: A Memoir by Suki Kim when there was a controversy about marketing the book as a memoir instead of immersive journalism like her male counterparts such as Sebastian Junger. Afterwards the publishers removed “A Memoir” from the title, but the version that I took out of the library still had it.
Without You, There Is No Us: My Time with the Sons of North Korea Elite is a chronicle of what motivated Kim to go to North Korea, how she got there and what she witnessed while there. For those of you who aren’t readers, Kim also did a twelve minute TED Talk, which touches on the most important points of her memoir, but is an oversimplification of her textured and bleak experiences.
The immersion in North Korea for an extended period of time is not the only advantage that Kim has over other accounts. Her family actually has memories and passed down stories of a united Korea before the war. She may still have family in North Korea, but cannot look them up. She speaks Korean, but while she lived in North Korea, she was not permitted to speak the language that she shared with her students. Without You, There Is No Us: My Time with the Sons of North Korea Elite gives us the reality of a dystopian society in the real world, and how quickly it converts anyone within it into adhering to its rules even when they defy common sense or instinctual behavior.
If North and South Korea started on the same path, but then diverged radically, Without You, There Is No Us: My Time with the Sons of North Korea Elite should alarm anyone who sees similarities with North Korea and the life in their country such as, but not exclusively, the lack of critical thinking, the requirement to only adore the leader, military theater, the reflexive ability to lie, the unquestioning assertion of supremacy not rooted in reality, the denial of truth if it does not serve the narrative, the lack of choice, sexism, profanity in official communication, demonization of other countries, lack of health care, being unable to communicate without fear of reprisal, the suppression of any thing that is not endorsed by the leader. I would caution readers not to distinguish North Korea as being so unimaginably different from us, but as a cautionary tale that it took such a short amount of time to become so oppressive. It is understandable that Kim does not make this point since in contrast to North Korea, the world is a paradise, and flaws seem indiscernible.
Another journalist said that life for these privileged sons was worst than life for prisoners in other countries. Kim loves her students so she is conflicted about the morality of sparking their curiosity and making them want more than their world has to offer, especially when that world punishes even the most minor slight. Conversely Without You, There Is No Us: My Time with the Sons of North Korea Elite also becomes an expose of the inadvertent mirroring of North Korea’s regimented life by the Christian missionaries. Kim pretended that she was a Christian to work with them, but is horrified to discover that the students choices are further restricted by what the missionaries think is appropriate. There is only one brief moment of freedom when Kim stays behind on a tour and witnesses people hanging out and listening to real music. Even though the school is a sanctuary in comparison to what other university students were experiencing at the time, forced labor, there is something horrifying that young adults with so little freedom then have more things taken away from them by people who allegedly want to help them.
Both North Korea and the Christian missionaries may share a section of the Venn diagram. They think that what they are doing is beneficial, but someone who has not always been a part of that system can see how it is actually toxic to make choices for others, especially young adults. The students wanted to watch a Harry Potter movie and got permission to do so, which was a miracle since all movies have to be approved by the regime. When one of the teachers threw a fit and prevented them from seeing it, I wanted someone to stop her from having something that she wanted such as no salt in her diet for a year to see if she would like it.
I’m a Christian, and perhaps that is a reason why I never got into Harry Potter. I actually think that it is because I don’t do book series until they are finished because of Stephen King’s accident, and now too much time has passed, but I would concede that while I don’t eliminate magic from my cultural consumption, I am more cautious with that aspect of supernatural entertainment than others. I saw a Harry Potter movie on a plane. Seriously it is not going to destroy them. Also now I know why so many Christians endorsed Presidon’t. I am astonished that Kim was able to fool them-“spiritual” is a dead giveaway. Their idea of what is and is not appropriate is not surprising, but more like box checking and less like a relationship with Jesus.
Some detractors criticize Without You, There Is No Us: My Time with the Sons of North Korea Elite because it is filled with Kim’s impressions and only focuses on life at the school. Do not expect the excitement of a Judith Miller book, which incidentally we later discovered was in part a work of fiction. Kim isn’t calling for revolution, but understanding, empathy and mourning. It is easy to destroy, but harder to see others’ humanity, especially from a distance.