When I heard that Ben Affleck was cast as Batman in Zack Snyder’s sequel to Man of Steel, I immediately thought that if Affleck was directing the movie, it would be great, but Affleck is not a good actor. He is not a bad one, but he is not good. If you watch Argo, you realize that while the movie is solid, his ability to depict emotions is severely limited. Affleck gets dead in his eyes, and his face slackens when portraying any type of sadness. Batman is a severely traumatized man born from generations of privilege, and Affleck is not able to transform up. His greatest range is being a man from Massachusetts middle class roots to Massachusetts blue collar roots. On August 23, 2013, I actually tweeted, “I now know how the apocalypse begins. #BenAffleck as Batman.” Incidentally, I was right. So I was never going to pay money to see Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice even though I was not one of the Man of Steel detractors.
If you have friends who even mildly like you, they probably warned you not to see Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice if you waited any amount of time after the film hit theaters. If you were not warned, you are probably not liked by anyone and should work on yourself as a human being. I theoretically wanted to see it on the big screen, but not enough to actually do so. I waited until it was released on DVD and watched it at home. I actually watched Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice in the dark and did my best to award it my full attention since I was already severely prejudging its quality.
I owe Affleck an apology. I am not wrong about his acting skills, but even a talented actor playing Batman could not have fixed what was wrong with Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. Affleck looked great without a shirt getting fit in the Bat Cave, which was probably one of my favorite scenes in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice so Affleck playing Batman brought some nuance to the role-Batman as eye candy.
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is a contriving mess of a story. I feel like Snyder really tried to figure out how to make Superman and Batman fight each other then make up to provide a segway for the Justice League movie instead of just making a cohesive story. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice feels long. I kept pausing the film and wondering when it was going to end. Snyder constantly shifting focus only undermined my attention span. The following is a somewhat spoiler filled summary of the story.
Basically people, including Bruce Wayne/Batman, are scared of Superman because even when he is defending people, he is a mess. This part of the story is credible because we saw Man of Steel. This theory does not track when Superman is accused of killing terrorists or blamed for a bombing. His eyes shoot lasers. I’m fine with people scapegoating Superman for inspiring people to do bad things that hurt people, but that isn’t what happens. He is directly blamed for things that everyone knows that he didn’t do. If Snyder even made Superman a little bit shady, I would have bought it, but even when pushed to the point of desperation, he would rather chat. He is really normal. He wants to hang out with his girlfriend. He isn’t even a good reporter.
Meanwhile Superman seems to have specialized in a single area: rescuing his girlfriend. There is even a Cialis commercial in one sequence, which is actually the sweetest, most normal and human moment in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. Clark is mildly concerned about Batman willy-nilly killing people, but is dumber than dirt and does not realize that Batman is crazy and trying to kill him. To be fair, Batman isn’t very good at it, and Superman is pretty much indomitable, but like I said crazy beats most things.
Batman keeps having these dreams and waking visions as if he is an oracle, which may be trailers for future movies. I’m sure that there is a scientific explanation for these sequences, but it is unforgivably supernatural in a character that should not be. In one trailer set in a sandy region, he wears a duster over his Batsuit. Are you cold? Why? Meanwhile Alfred begs him to settle down and continue the Wayne line so Alfred can do a crap job of raising them too. Jeremy Irons’ castle must need repairs because that is what he does for the entire movie-tells him to chill out and make some babies. Alfred should have just gotten a therapist’s number and retired.
Meanwhile you have Jesse Eisenberg as the Riddler, I mean Lex Luthor, clearly up to something dastardly so let’s give him all the alien technology to study. What could go wrong? The best part of this crappy storyline is Holly Hunter and the absurd Congressional hearings. He doesn’t seem scared of Superman, just excited by the challenge of him. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice makes him a master manipulator of both Wayne and Kent, but it is so ridiculous that I can’t even pretend like I believe that.
Batman steals some information from Luthor and shows us trailers for the upcoming Aquaman, Wonder Woman, The Flash and the other guy (after the movie, I found out that it was Cyborg, but I had no idea who it was when I was watching it) movies. THIS sequence was my favorite part of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice because it was not Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. Plus Jason Mamoa is hot, and I love women kicking ass. There is an extended training sequence with Wayne forging weapons to fight Superman. It would have been better with upbeat 80s soundtrack music, but we got Affleck without a shirt so not a complete waste of time. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice really emphasizes the knight part of the Dark Knight. His parents even saw Excalibur the night that they died. We get it.
Luthor gives Superman the most stupid ultimatum in the universe: kill Batman or I kill Spoiler. Superman is always on constant alert if Lois sneezes, but when Spoiler gets kidnapped, he is shocked and surprised. Dude, seriously! Superman can’t multitask. He must save Lois, end of story. Anything else is beyond him, including saving himself. So Batman fights Superman although Superman initially suggests grabbing a cup of coffee so he can ask for help in saving Spoiler. Batman’s rage dims slightly when he realizes how much he has in common with Superman and decides to save people instead of killing them. Sure, you are a homicidal, obsessive madman who dreams of vengeance, but now you see reason. OK.
Doomsday appears. I watched TEN years of Smallville. It was not a great show, but had some amazing supporting actors. Doomsday was a thousand times better in Smallville. One of my favorite Smallville episodes was Bloodline, Season 8 Episode 8, when Faora possesses Lois Lane and greets her science experiment/son, Davis/Doomsday. In that single scene, Erica Durance, who is a way better actress than people give her credit for, and Sam Witwer, an eternal favorite who seems a bit typecast and stuck in a rut, gave a more nuanced and amazing performance than the entire 151 minutes of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. I am not exaggerating. These are facts. Doomsday is just a monster in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.
Wonder Woman appears, and two things would have made her appearance even better. First, if she had rolled her eyes at Batman and Superman when she arrives because they are idiots. Second, if her fight sequence with Doomsday was not shot in chaos cinema style, but Fred Astaire dance sequence style. I want to see the beauty in the fight scenes. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice did not give me one satisfying fight sequence, but Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman made me believe that she had skills. Next time, I would like to clearly see them. While she can’t kill Doomsday, he barely muses up her hair. If they told her about the weapon, she would have taken care of everything with no problem.
Superman retrieves one of Batman’s weapons that could kill him and flies with it, which I thought was unbelievable. I can see Superman dragging himself across the floor with it, but flying with it, no. Anyway he kills Doomsday, who kills him. Before Luthor ends up behind bars, he has sufficient time to beckon more aliens to earth so Batman will have to form a Justice League and everyone can make more money.
The main problem with Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is that there is no character development and no credible and complete storyline just a string of trailers for future movies. Unlike Man of Steel, there was nothing that completely captured my attention, no reimagining of long held assumptions about characters or situations that challenged my preconceptions.
DC Comics films wants Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice to be Captain America: Civil War after one movie, Man of Steel, whereas it took twelve Marvel movies, several mini Marvel films and two Marvel tv shows to earn Captain America: Civil War. Man of Steel was a decent movie, but not excellent enough to equal the work that Marvel put in for over eight years to get to where it is today. Marvel feels rooted in my reality and led me to debate political issues. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice’s heavy-handed approach to terrorism felt more like it was borrowing legitimacy to create reality instead of exploring it.
Even more disappointing is that the fight scenes in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice are not visually fun. They are clunky, poorly edited and lack any elegance or grace. I actually squealed with delight during most of Captain America: Civil War. Captain America: Civil War gave me sequences that I did not even know that I needed in life whereas Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice was a dance by numbers.
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice has no rhythm, no soul and no clue what nerds want, but they want our money. With Zack Snyder at the helm, I’ll just say no unless he decides to go back to his roots and direct zombie movies.