Marvel can literally slap its name on anything and make money. Iron Man 2 is not a good movie, but it is not without its charms. Miles Teller is fresh off of a successful breakthrough dramatic role in Whiplash. Michael B. Jordan has revived the Rocky franchise in Creed (still haven’t seen it yet). Kate Mara is killing it in TV series such as House of Cards. Jamie Bell has been a real actor longer than most people have been alive-since 2000 in Billy Elliot! I literally squealed when I saw Reg E. Cathey! Fantastic Four is a slight movie, and the actors aren’t to blame. If I’m being charitable, Fantastic Four’s story would make an adequate pilot on the CW, but probably would not get a full season order.
Fantastic Four takes an interesting approach. We meet Reed Richards when he is a precocious kid and his working class buddy. They get a little older, and things are still sweet when Reed finally finds a place that feels like home with Dr. Storm and Sue. We meet Doom, and he is a sullen, know-it-all young man-typical. Cue doing science montage. Success! Mean government tells them that they are just kids and they’ll take over. Boooooooo, mean government.

SPOILERS

Here is the rub. The government is right. They get drunk. Go on a joyride to another dimension, lose Doom then become real life science experiments. Worst part: Sue saves their asses sober still in the original dimension, but gets all the strange side effects. Thanks a lot, guys. Cue random angst and relationship conflict that does not seem earned or credible. Clearly Reed took a page from Edward Norton’s The Incredible Hulk as he fixes thing on the run in South America. When they catch Reed, no biggie. They need him to go back–because that worked so well the first time. Even sober, he was always at risk of blowing up the Eastern coast, but whatever. He has matured in what a few days, weeks….They go back, retrieve Doom who has turned homicidal, natch, and wants to destroy Earth for POWER in the other dimension. They learn to fight together as a team because alone, they cannot beat Doom. They head back home victorious and put the government in their place for screwing up. Wait, no, the government didn’t screw up. The government just had nefarious plans that they couldn’t execute because you kids are careless and incompetent, but sure, give them unlimited resources and leave them without adult supervision. It worked out before. Then they become the Fantastic Four.
When the movie ended, I thought, “Wait, that is it! There was barely a plot.” Fantastic Four barely had a pulse, which at least the 2005 version had a cheesy pulse. I know that Sue and Reed get together in the future. Um, how? Sue allegedly dated Doom. Um, no. They can’t date because they aren’t real people. What a waste of acting talent! I don’t think that anyone is clamoring for a sequel. Skip it.