Come for the found footage horror. Regret your life choices soon thereafter. If first time feature writer, director and star Kris Collins was deliberately trying to evoke that feeling, then “House on Eden” (2025) would be somewhat successful, but alas, no. A team of YouTuber paranormal investigators improvise and decide to investigate a house on Eden Road and get more than they bargained for. It is not the worst movie in 2025.

While watching “House on Eden,” Collins looked familiar, but I could not place her. The eyes and the energy were recognizable, but nothing else. After watching the movie, I did a little research, and she is a popular, creative, versatile TikToker and YouTuber Kalmekris, which makes this movie more disappointing. I’ve watched her channel and used to follow it. Being a successful Tik Tok creator means understanding composition, how to capture a stranger’s attention and make them want to see more. Collins played a multitude of roles ranging in different ages, genders and backgrounds with very little external bells and whistles. If you are hoping that Collins is the next RackaRacka, aka Danny and Michael Philippou, then prepare to be disappointed at least this first time around. As Kris, the head of the team, Collins chooses to have her character alternate between being the worst boss ever to enthusiastic and astonishingly dumb with zero instinct for self-preservation. Horror movie characters must walk a fine line: be stupid enough to get in trouble, but smart enough to care about. Alternatively, make the horror aspect fun enough to root for them to die. It works for the “Jurassic” franchise.

I love found footage and a shaky cam, but for a trio of experienced creators, the first act is torture, especially considering how sophisticated the average person is thanks to smart phones. There is little care for preserving their batteries, and they swing the camera around with wild abandon as if it is a baton. Indonesian Celebes crested macaques would have done a better job. The three friends cavort like younger people, and the chemistry seems forced. There are even poop jokes. The central problem is Kris’ inability to communicate with her alleged best friends, which gets them into the mess when she strays from established procedure and takes them on an ill-prepared journey into the forest to investigate a haunted house. They spend a lot of time voicing concerns about still wandering around when it is getting dark, but do not alter their time-wasting behavior. If they decided to wear red shirts or whistle, their outcome would have only been slightly more obvious.

The strongest moments are between Celina (Celina Myers, YouTuber CelinaSpookyBoo) and Jay (Jason-Christopher Mayer) when they immediately express their displeasure at the change in plans, which makes them moderately less annoying, but the margin is slim. There is one fleeting moment of friendship solidarity between Kris and Celina. Otherwise, they exist to say, “What is that? Do you hear that?” while the audience sees nothing and hears little. It is the worst-case scenario: telling, not showing.

It is not until they are ready to shoot footage that the camera work improves slightly, and at that point, the payoff must be huge to make up for the dreadful opening act. Spoiler: it does not happen. By then, the tension among the team is overt. Kris is openly verbally abusive to Jay and treats Celina like a tool for her fame, not a friend whose well-being she cares about. Once in the house, moviegoers with a moderate understanding of Christian mythology will mostly figure out what is going on though the last act at least helpfully spells it out. There is even a point when Kris reads a Wikipedia page on the subject and is like “cool, going to keep that to myself, and I’m sure it has nothing to do with me.” If “House on Eden” had laid a foundation for Kris being inextricably and unexplainably drawn to the site and spent more time on developing the relationships, then perhaps the story could be elevated, but no.

“House on Eden” is the kind of movie that you makes you think, “What if ‘The Blair Witch Project’ had two women and one man, but sucked?” It feels as if their storyboard purloined images from “Kill List” (2011), “The Witch” (2015) and “Hereditary” (2018). I’m a big hater of Robert Eggers’ first film, but it is a comparative masterpiece. The denouement feels unearned and tagged on though there is one footage flashback scene that does some leg work, but it is too little, too late. While watching this film, I kept thinking about all the better movies that I could have watched instead. To ensure that I was not too hard on the movie, I asked the rest of the audience, mostly children and adolescents, what they thought, and was surprised when they replied, “Mid.” It sounded as if they were into it, but no. They were listing their regret alternate activity list too. So this movie is for no one except supporters of the cast and crew.

The only kudos that “House on Eden” deserves is that at least Collins chose a supernatural figure that is not commonly known though that person has been the subject of horror films before. Usually that persona is sexualized, but Collins went in the opposite direction, which could have been an interesting creative choice if explored. The production team really put effort into the set design and props to flesh out that theme.  There are two neat moment. A first act bird reappears at the end. There is an anti-baptism scene, which will make sense when you see it. Otherwise the movie is a big nothing burger and a waste of time and money for anyone wanting to see it on the big screen. On the small screen, you would be better served watching Collins’ social media channels.

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So my issue with “The Witch” and “House on Eden” is that both films put the women protagonists in a position that gives them an illusion of choice, but their free will is taken away. Lillith just takes over Kris’ power and presumably her baby. Other than shock value, the lack of significance woven into the storyline is disappointing, and it should feel fraught with meaning. One ambitious woman steals the life and child of another. Collins is a Canadian so maybe reproductive rights and women’s autonomy are not hot button topics there. When Kris is vacant, it is not chilling. Also presumably Jay is the father of Kris’ baby, but it is a detail that just gets lost to rot in the ground like the camera that they dropped during the hike and somehow found at night in the middle of a forest. If Lillith is the chick in the nightgown, she should resemble at least one of the images decorating the house by wearing a snake necklace or something.

Side note: my first exposure to the cinematic Lillith was a vampire like demon in “Night Angel” (1990) starring Linden Ashby. The movie was quite shocking and exploitive at the time, but never boring. That would have been inappropriate for the children, but they would not forget it.