“Argylle” (2024) is about an unassuming author, Elly Conway (Bryce Dallas Howard), who writes spy novels about Agent Argyle (Henry Cavill) and is suffering from writer’s block as she approaches the book series’ end. Conway’s novels are renowned for correctly predicting future international events thus attracting unwanted attention from real-life spies, which is why rogue agent Aidan Wilde (Sam Rockwell) intervenes to protect her and her Scottish fold cat, Alfie (Chip) from the Division. Why is Conway so prophetic? With a runtime of two hours, nineteen minutes, avid moviegoers should be able to figure it out in the first five minutes, which makes the movie one hour sixteen minutes too long.

The plot sounds reminiscent of Sandra Bullock’s “The Lost City” (2022), but I never got around to watching that flick. Writer Jason Fuchs’ claim to fame is creating the story behind “Wonder Woman” (2017), which was beloved, but far from perfect. Director Matthew Vaughn had more success with some nice independent films like “Layer Cake” (2004) starring a young Daniel Craig, “Stardust” (2007) an underrated fairy tale, which deserved more success and “Kick-Ass” (2010), a brutal reimagining of comic book movies before he settled into the commercial success, but artistically vacant “Kingsman” franchise, which vary widely in quality. After watching “Argylle,” you will wish that he continued building on the prequel, “The King’s Man” (2021), regardless of how disturbing of Vaughn’s alternate vision of historic world events are.

All the characters in “Argylle” are archetypes, which explains why so much money seems to be sunk into the film so viewers will not notice how boring it is. Elly is a retiring homebody who prefers to cuddle with her cat and Facetime her mom than go out with a hot guy. During melees, in the blink of an eye, she sees Argylle, instead of Aidan, fighting. Howard did some of her best work in this film, but that is after being relegated to stinkers like the lesser works of Lars von Trier as a Nicole Kidman understudy in “Manderlay” (2005), M. Night Shyamalan in “The Village” (2004) or “Lady in the Water” (2006), and the “Jurassic World” franchise. When she is memorable, it is not work that one wants on their lifetime achievement montage: a random vampire Victoria in “The Twilight” series or a racist villain in “The Help” (2011). Being a nepo baby may pay the bills, but it does not feel rewarding if being a protagonist in a Vaughn film is the zenith of over two decades of work.

It is nice to see Rockwell take a break from playing loveable racists: “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri” (2017), “Woman Walks Ahead” (2017), “The Best of Enemies” (2019). Aidan is a version of Rockwell from “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind” (2002): a wisecracking, dancing, irreverent version of a spy, rougher than the smooth talker British versions. Later in “Argylle,” he is a good sport for participating wholeheartedly in sly visual digs at his height in comparison to Howard, which makes him more affable. The charm meter is off the charts, and if the film works, it is only because Howard and Rockwell have chemistry as players in the fighters to lovers’ trope.

“Argylle” is overflowing with talent. One standout is the delightful Catherine O’Hara as Elly’s mom. Bryan Cranstron plays a great villain as Director Ritter, but the casting may spoil the twist. Also it is unfortunate that his Conway novel equivalent, Director Fowler (Richard E. Grant), appears before Ritter because he is a born scene stealer and simmers as a more magnificent bastard than Ritter. I ended up wishing Grant had more screentime. On behalf of Cavill, may I plead with future filmmakers to stop messing with his hair: this buzz cut, his mustache in “Mission Impossible” Let the man be attractive!

Ariana DeBose appears at bookends of the film as Keira, Argylle’s Q, and is so criminally underutilized probably because she was giving too much butch sexiness in the final scenes that everyone would have forgotten that she was not the star. Sofia Boutella as the Keeper of Secrets Saba Al-Badr was a waste. Boutella can fight so for a spy movie to just have her delivering lines should be illegal. Her chemistry with another spy was off the charts. “Argylle” was subconsciously a heavily queer movie and if its filmmakers were braver and less heteronormative, they could have embraced it and put a cheeky twist on the spy film as opposed to the dour, but gorgeous “Atomic Blonde” (2017).

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I preferred “Argylle” the first time that I saw it when it was called “A Long Kiss Goodnight” (1996) with a dash of “Keanu” (2016). Elly is Agent Rachel Kylle. When a mission goes wrong, she lost her memory, and the Division brainwashed her. She created Argylle in a subconscious attempt to remember who she was. Wyatt (John Cena)was Aidan’s fictional counterpart, and Aidan has been watching over her.

I did not love the mixed visual metaphor that Argylle played in Elly’s real life. She disassociates and hallucinates because of the traumatic accident and brainwashing. She sees Aidan as Argylle, but when she looks in the mirror, she sees Argylle as her reflection. For the film’s premise to stick the landing, she should be seeing Cena in real life when she sees Aidan. The filmmakers made that creative choice because Argylle is the ideal, and they want the viewer to equate Aidan with Argylle’s mystique. It is a case of having one’s cake and eating it too. They want the big twist for Rachel to be the bad ass, but Fuchs and Vaughn are not great at relating to or writing women so their sympathy and admiration fall more easily on Aidan. In the denouement, the cliffhanger is whether Rachel will betray and kill Aidan. At their core, women cannot be fully trusted.

Rachel and Aidan were allegedly in love yet in Elly’s books, Argylle is only attracted to women, and Wyatt is his business partner, i.e. there are no scenes where Argylle and Wyatt show any attraction. Let Cavill and Cena make out! They never do—sorry, which lends credence to the idea that Rachel was not into Aidan. There are two times when Elly tries to kill Kyle without any outside interference egging her on. In the train, during the first fight scene, she aims the gun at him. Then she throws the grenade at him in Bakunin’s hideout.

I’m not saying that Rachel was not going to expose the Division. Her cat’s namesake is Alfred Solomon (Samuel L. Jackson), the former CIA deputy director. I just think that she was inclined to do it because of Keira. I’m not saying that they were an item, but they could have been. It felt as if Rachel and the Keeper of Secrets were an item.

If “Argylle” had any redeeming factors, it was because Rachel was a badass when she finally appears, and it was nice to see a regular sized woman kick ass. Every Rachel fight scene was top notch, especially the combo of figure and speed skating on crude oil while bayoneting and slicing the bad guys. I loved the technicolor smoke grenade fight sequence, which is a convincing argument in favor of Rachel and Aidan being in love. It was very James Gunn-esque.

Also just a superficial side note: I get the symbolism of hair color, but can movies stop with making the warm, nice character into redhead and the cold, calculating killer into a blonde. It is tiresome, and Howard looked better with red hair.